Subject: Work (Page 9)

I'll do anything to keep from working for a living; if I've gotta fight a circus bear, then let's get the drawers on him and get it on!

(1950 – ) American boxer & actor
Boxing Occupations Sports Work

Last week the candle factory burned down… everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Situations Things Work

Housekeeping ain't no joke.

(1832 – 1888) novelist
Housework Work

The longer the title, the less important the job.

Murphy’s Laws Work

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Men Money Work

I started my career in kindergarten playing a tube of toothpaste in a hygiene play.

(1945 – ) American actor, director, comedian, producer & author
Acting Entertainment Occupations Work

You know it’s time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Housework Work

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working when you get up in the morning, and doesn't stop until you get into office.

(1874 – 1963) American poet
Government Intelligence Work

My girlfriend likes to play doctor; so I always make her wait 90 minutes before I see her.

(1952 – ) American comedian & actor
Occupations Sex

A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.

(1907 – 1987) journalist & columnist
Definitions Work

A guy gave me a job at an information booth – no questions asked.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Occupations Work

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Individuals Work

Astronomer: Night watchman.

Definitions Occupations

See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Communication Language Work

Dentist: A collector of old magazines.

Definitions Occupations

Boss: A personal dictator appointed to those of us fortunate enough to live in free societies.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Work

Authors want their names down in history; I want to keep the smoke coming out of the chimney.

(1918 – 2006) American writer
Money Success Work

A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

(1911 – ) American editor & writer
Government Occupations

Statistician: A person who believes that if you put your head in a furnace and your feet in a bucket of iced water, on the average you should feel reasonably comfortable.

Definitions Occupations

Love is the only industry which can't operate on a five-day week.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Emotions Love Time Work

Clergyman: A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of bettering his temporal ones.

Definitions Occupations