Author: Anonymous Page 102

Hobby: Something you do to have fun whether you enjoy it or not.

Activities Definitions

Trombones: Bones in an orchestra.

Definitions

Dirt: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

Definitions

I could hear footprints.

Malaprops

He is so old… I told him to act his own age, and he died.

Age Exaggerations Old

Armadillo: Possum on the half shell.

Animals Definitions

No Exit: A sign indicating the most convenient way out of a building.

Definitions

Garden: Something that dies if you don’t water it, and rots if you do.

Definitions

Apathy: Vigor mortis.

Definitions

“Please get into the elevator”, said Tom uppishly.

Tom Swifties

The head of the body overseeing youth justice…

Mixed metaphors

Well tie me to an anthill and fill my ears with jam!

Expressions

Yearbook: A book of pictures that get nerdier with time.

Definitions

It dawned across my head.

Mixed metaphors

Psychiatrist: A head coach.

Definitions Doctors Health

Makeup: What it takes to look natural.

Appearance Definitions

Drama Critic: A person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.

Definitions Occupations Reviews/Criticism

The only people who listen to both sides of a family quarrel are the next-door neighbors.

People

Incest is relatively boring.

Family Sex Wordplay

Bra: Decoration draped by your wife over the shower curtain rod in the bathroom.

Clothing Definitions

She is so short… you can see her feet on her driver's license picture.

Appearance Body Exaggerations