Author: Anonymous Page 110

“I just got another flat,” he said tiredly.

Tom Swifties

A drunkard is like a whiskey-bottle, all neck and belly and no head.

Alcohol Food/Drink

We heard the ocean is infatuated with sharks.

Malaprops

Trick Photography: Focus pocus.

Definitions

Budget: A method of worrying before you spend, instead of afterward.

Definitions

Adolescence: A period in which children begin to question the answers.

Age Definitions

Smuggler: One who neglects his duty to his country.

Definitions Wordplay

Heirloom: Some old thing nobody liked well enough to wear out.

Definitions Things

Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Definitions Money

Did you watch the space shovel take off?

Malaprops

Coach: A fellow who will gladly lay down your life for the school.

Definitions

He was bothered mentally mainly by the physical plague.

Mixed metaphors

A man doesn’t know the value of a woman’s love until he starts paying alimony.

Marriage

The menu was frozen in the amber of 1973.

Mixed metaphors

Skiing may be a winter activity, but some think of it as a fall sport.

Sports Wordplay

Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offense.

Definitions

If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s intolerance.

Characteristics

Know-it-all: One who pretends to know something about everything but really knows nothing about anything.

Definitions

Altar: Place where a man loses control of himself.

Definitions Marriage

What if there were no hypothetical situations?

Situations

Banquet: A fifty-cent dinner served in sufficient quantity to enable a caterer to charge twenty dollars for it.

Definitions Food/Drink