Author: Anonymous Page 110

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

Conflict Marriage War

That’ll separate the girls from the sheep.

Mixed metaphors

Dollar: The jack of all trades.

Definitions

Philanthropist: One who gives away what he should give back.

Definitions

Hospitality: The virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging.

Definitions

The squeeky wheel gets the worm.

Mixed metaphors

What a terrible cat's after me!

Malaprops

Zoo: A place of refuge where wild animals are protected from people.

Animals Definitions Places

She is so ugly… when she was born, the doctor slapped the wrong end.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

He's between a rock and the deep blue sea.

Mixed metaphors

Teenagers are people who express a burning desire to be different by dressing exactly alike.

People

We may never know exactly how much others know about us, but we can always suspect it.

People Self

Armor: The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.

Clothing Definitions

Alone… in bad company

Insults

She raped him in a blanket.

Malaprops Situations

Pessimist: Someone who burns their bridges before they get to them.

Definitions

Bachelor: A man who has faults he doesn’t know about.

Definitions Men People

Abort: To correct a misconception.

Definitions

“I shall see to it well in advance,” said Tom tenderly.

Tom Swifties

Bigamy is the only crime on the books where two rites make a wrong.

Marriage

He wuz smilin' like a rat eatin onions.

Miscellaneous