Author: Anonymous Page 112

“I’ve struck oil!” said Tom crudely.

Tom Swifties

Underwater Swimmer: One who practices submersive activitites.

Activities Definitions

You can judge your age by the amount of pain you feel when you come in contact with a new idea.

Age Ideas

Horse: An oatsmobile.

Animals Definitions

I like a lot of partisan cheese on my pizza.

Food/Drink Malaprops

Fifty percent of people have a below-average understanding of statistics.

People Science/Weather

I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I’m in the bathroom.

Situations

“I can’t march any more!” the soldier called haltingly.

Tom Swifties

She is so fat… when she takes a shower her feet don't get wet.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

“OK, you can borrow it again,” Tom relented.

Tom Swifties

Retirement means twice as much husband on half as much money.

Marriage Money Wives Work

After-Dinner Speaker: A person who only has a few words to say, but seldom stops when he has said them.

Definitions

“My pencil is blunt,” said Tom pointlessly.

Tom Swifties

What in the Sam Hill are you doing?

Miscellaneous

Smile: To expose a portion of one’s skeleton as a gesture of goodwill toward a fellow human.

Definitions

She has a photogenic memory.

Malaprops Memory

“The average frequency of my voice is 160 Hz,” said Tom in measured tones.

Tom Swifties

Anatomy: The belly of a very small insect.

Definitions Wordplay

As much fun as shooting monkeys in a barrel.

Mixed metaphors

Seeing a buzzard catch a rare phalarope is in bird-watching terms, like killing two birds with one stone.

Mixed metaphors

Beware geeks bearing scripts.

Reviews/Criticism