Author: Anonymous Page 140

“You dance just like Fred Astaire,” she said gingerly.

Tom Swifties

“The policeman charged me twenty bucks for speeding,” said Tom finally.

Tom Swifties

Sadist: A person who is kind to a masochist.

Definitions People Wordplay

“My giant sea creature died,” Tom wailed blubberingly.

Tom Swifties

The success of any venture will be helped by prayer, even in the wrong denomination.

Beliefs Murphy’s Laws Success

Courtship: When a fellow gets so wrapped up in a girl that it’s easy to tie the knot.

Definitions Relationships

… quicker than any other slowdowns

Mixed metaphors

“It’s only average,” said Tom meanly.

Tom Swifties

“This Bud’s for you,” said Tom lightly.

Tom Swifties

Keep your nose up!

Mixed metaphors

The amount of education you have determines your loot in life.

Education Malaprops

Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy; one is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.

Emotions Happiness Marriage Wives

They have come up with a perfect understanding; he won't try to run her life, and he won't try to run his, either.

Husbands Marriage Wives

She's so fat… when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Forger: The man who gives a check a bad name.

Definitions

Hospital: A place where people who are run down wind up..

Definitions

Tomorrow: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

Definitions Future Time

April 1: The day we are reminded of what we are the other 364.

Definitions Fools Intelligence

I looked to see what I could hear.

Mixed metaphors

“I am removing the lining of my gloves,” Tom deferred.

Tom Swifties

If worse comes to shove

Mixed metaphors