Author: Anonymous Page 147

Poise: The act of raising the eyebrows instead of the roof.

Definitions

Detour: Something that lengthens your mileage, diminishes your gas, and strengthens your vocabulary.

Activities Definitions Travel

Happier than a pig in slop

Emotions Expressions Happiness

Tolerance: That uncomfortable feeling that the other fellow might be right after all.

Beliefs Characteristics Definitions

“Phew! I’ve just finished learning all Shakespeare’s works,” said Tom willfully.

Tom Swifties

Christmas: A warm, cheery two-month festival that celebrates the joy of retail merchandise.

Definitions

Divorce: A splitting headache.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and started growing in the middle.

Age Appearance Body People

“All right – we’ll use a water solution”, Tom acquiesced.

Tom Swifties

Destiny: A tyrant’s authority for crime and a fool’s excuse for failure.

Definitions Future Time

X: The signature of a happy man.

Definitions

Charm: The ability to make someone think that both of you are wonderful.

Characteristics Definitions

Husband: A person who is the boss of his house and has his wife’s permission to say so.

Definitions Husbands Marriage

The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name… and they say golf is a quiet game.

Golf Sports

Bureaucracy: A system that enables ten men to do the work of one.

Definitions Government

Cricket: A game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some conception of eternity.

Definitions Sports

Ecstasy: Happiness with its clothes off.

Definitions Emotions Happiness Sex

Whenever you hear the word save, it is usually the beginning of an advertisement designed to make you spend money.

Communication Language Money

I guess I threw a cog in the wrench.

Mixed metaphors

Apologize: To repeat an insult with variations.

Definitions

Footnote: Useless information placed where you can skip it.

Definitions