Author: Anonymous Page 147

Ignoramus: Someone who doesn’t know something that you learned yesterday.

Definitions Intelligence

Bachelor: A guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.

Definitions Men People

A liberal’s generosity is only limited by your income.

Beliefs Government

You’ve really put your finger on the nail there.

Mixed metaphors

Regardless of their age, most folks are not as old as they hope to be.

Age Old

Grocery list: What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Activities Definitions Shopping

Liberty: Consists in giving everyone full right to mind everyone else’s business.

Miscellaneous

They're in the trenches; they're on the horse and they're riding it.

Mixed metaphors

Chauffeur: A man who is smart enough to operate an automobile, but clever enough not to own one.

Autos Definitions Things

“How long will I have to wait for a table?” asked Tom without reservation.

Tom Swifties

“Lights, camera, action!” Tom said directly.

Tom Swifties

Sound Sleeper: Someone who snores.

Activities Definitions Sleep

Inertia: Tendency of a skier’s body to resist changes in direction or speed due to the action of Newton’s First Law of Motion.

Definitions Science/Weather

Chicken guarding the hen house

Mixed metaphors

Doughnut: Holey food.

Definitions Food/Drink

Electrocution: Burning at the stake with all modern improvements.

Death Definitions

Insanity: Grounds for divorce in some states; grounds for marriage in all

Definitions Marriage

Diplomacy: The ability to take something and make the other fellow believe he is giving it away.

Definitions

Whiskey: The best thing to take for a headache – the night before.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink

Statistician: Someone who is good with numbers, but lacks the personality to be an accountant.

Definitions Occupations Work

Banker: A pawn broker with a manicure.

Definitions Occupations Work