Author: Anonymous Page 147

Lawsuit: A contest generally won by the party that can afford to reimburse the lawyers on both sides of the dispute.

Definitions Law Lawyers

When I'm sick, I take Casper Oil.

Malaprops

A gentleman never swears at his wife when ladies are present.

Characteristics Men People

Democracy: A system whereby the person who never votes can cuss out the man the other people elected.

Definitions Democracy Elections/Voting Government

“I like camping,” said Tom intently.

Tom Swifties

If you put his brain in a gnat's butt, it would fly backwards.

Miscellaneous

“I just bought a woollen sweater,” said Tom sheepishly.

Tom Swifties

Cavity: Empty space ready to be stuffed with dentist’s bills.

Definitions

Surfing the Infobahn [information superhighway]

Mixed metaphors

Gorilla see, gorilla do.

Mixed metaphors

Waffle: A pancake with a nonskid tread.

Definitions Food/Drink

“This oar is broken,” said Tom robustly.

Tom Swifties

“I’m from Missouri,” Tom stated.

Tom Swifties

Dog: The only friend you can buy for money.

Animals Definitions Dogs

Senility: A cleansing of the mental blackboard shortly before class is dismissed.

Age Definitions Old

Nothing out of the unusual

Mixed metaphors

Luxury Resort: One where a waiter expects a $2 tip when he presents a $6 bill for serving a $3.50 bottle of beer.

Definitions

Diplomat: A fellow who prefers ironing out his differences to flattening his opponent.

Definitions

Numismatics: Collecting money for fun.

Definitions

Let's call the kettle what it is!

Mixed metaphors

I disagree with unanimity.

Beliefs Opinion