Author: Anonymous Page 151

“It’s just gold leaf”, said Tom guiltily.

Tom Swifties

“Well, I got here with five minutes to spare,” said Tom bitterly.

Tom Swifties

“I teach at a university,” Tom professed.

Tom Swifties

Durable Goods: Those that last longer than the time payments.

Definitions Things

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

Situations

You’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.

Characteristics

Heckler: A guy who ribs you the wrong way.

Definitions Wordplay

Fairway: The well-kept and seldom used portion of a golf course.

Definitions Golf Sports

Smilin’ like a goat in a briarpatch

Appearance Expressions

Worst case Ontario.

Malaprops

I don't want to hold an open manhole over your head.

Mixed metaphors

He is so fat… when he joined Overeaters Anonymous and they make him a chapter.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Windy as a hornet

Mixed metaphors

Preheat: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned when the food is put in, in addition to when it is removed.

Cooking Definitions

It sticks out like a sore throat.

Mixed metaphors

“I got in through the window after opening it with a crowbar,” said Tom enterprisingly.

Tom Swifties

Armor: The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.

Clothing Definitions

They'll never buy the cow if they can get the eggs for free.

Mixed metaphors

Nobody who can read is ever successful at cleaning out the attic.

Situations

He's the meanest man on the face of the universe.

Mixed metaphors

Hallucination: A belief owned exclusively by one person.

Definitions