Author: Anonymous Page 152

“This flower’s empty,” the drone said belatedly.

Tom Swifties

Grinning like the butcher's dog

Expressions

Procrastination: The art of keeping up with yesterday.

Definitions

“I’ve joined the Airborne Medical Corps,” said Tom paradoxically.

Tom Swifties

Trick Photography: Focus pocus.

Definitions

Refinement: The ability to yawn without opening your mouth.

Characteristics Definitions

Sterilize: What you do to your baby’s first pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it on your shirt.

Definitions Family

Civilization: A process whereby one generation finds the questions to the previous generation’s answers.

Definitions

I'll bet she has her clothes made by Orville, the tent maker.

Malaprops

Performance is directly affected by the perversity of inanimate objects.

Murphy’s Laws Success Things

“I know what herb would taste nice with this,” said Tom sagely.

Tom Swifties

“The bank doesn’t want me as a customer,” said Tom unaccountably.

Tom Swifties

He is so ugly… robbers give him their masks to wear.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Family Swimming Pool: A small body of water completely surrounded by other people’s children.

Definitions

A plastic surgeon increases your face value.

Appearance

Announce: Thirty grams or a sixteenth of a pound.

Definitions Wordplay

Foreword: An author’s apology.

Books Definitions

I don't want to hold an open manhole over your head.

Mixed metaphors

Pessimist: Someone who burns their bridges before they get to them.

Definitions

“I can no longer hear anything,” said Tom deftly.

Tom Swifties

He's between a rock and the deep blue sea.

Mixed metaphors