Author: Anonymous Page 20

A man doesn’t know the value of a woman’s love until he starts paying alimony.

Marriage

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Education Religion School

Consultant: Someone who borrows your watch then tells you what time it is.

Definitions

“Ouch! When I get stung, I want revenge,” said Tom begrudgingly.

Tom Swifties

Up a tree without a paddle

Mixed metaphors

Keep a stiff upper chin.

Mixed metaphors

Diet: selection of foods for people who are thick and tired of it.

Definitions Food/Drink

“Would anyone like some Parmesan?” asked Tom gratingly.

Tom Swifties

“I’d better repeat that SOS message,” said Tom remorsefully.

Tom Swifties

Many nations adopt a tit for tit policy.

Malaprops

“I brush my teeth several times a day,” said Tom implacably.

Tom Swifties

“I’ve joined the Airborne Medical Corps,” said Tom paradoxically.

Tom Swifties

“The escaped prisoner is camping out in the woods,” said Tom contentedly.

Tom Swifties

G String: Gownless evening strap.

Clothing Definitions

Race Track: Where thousands of people can get taken for a ride on the same horse.

Definitions

The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name… and they say golf is a quiet game.

Golf Sports

Life: A sexually transmitted disease with 100% fatality rate.

Definitions Life

It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

Characteristics

Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Emotions Love Marriage

He's like a cat out of water

Mixed metaphors

Money is the roof of all evil.

Malaprops