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Fiddlesticks: Violin bows.

Definitions

“I compliment the company that makes the Macintosh computer,” said Tom applauding.

Tom Swifties

The town had the coldest temperature in all the contagious states.

America Malaprops Places

“Who is this Tom Swifty character anyway?” asked Tom unselfconsciously.

Tom Swifties

Vasectomy: Spoil the rod… spare the child.

Definitions

“Let’s spice it up,” said Tom gingerly.

Tom Swifties

Fore: A golf bawl.

Definitions Golf Sports

Whiskey: The best thing to take for a headache – the night before.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink

At the zoo I like to watch the polo bears.

Animals Malaprops

That man is a real charmer, a regular Don Coyote.

Malaprops People

Ad Hoc: Pawn shop advertisement.

Definitions

Diamond: One of the hardest substances known to man – especially the payments on one.

Definitions Things

Freudian Slip: Foot-in-mouth disease.

Communication Definitions

Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you’re going to get or how long it will last.

Sex

Donuts: The only non-negotiable element to a successful meeting.

Definitions

“Fire!” yelled Tom alarmingly.

Tom Swifties

Government Bureau: Where the taxpayer’s shirt is kept.

Definitions Government Taxes

“Who discovered radium?” asked Tom curiously.

Tom Swifties

As the smoke clears at the devastated detention centre, an investigation reveals how officials ignored the warnings that they were sitting on a powder keg.

Mixed metaphors

She is so ugly… when she walks into a haunted house, she came out with a paycheck.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

There's a traumatic difference between the two.

Malaprops