Author: Anonymous Page 37

Zeal: A nervous disorder affecting the young and inexperienced.

Characteristics Definitions

Don’t cast swine before bears.

Mixed metaphors

The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.

Communication Conversation Entertainment Speech

You can always tell luck from ability by its duration.

Success

“Take me to the dance,” Mary bawled.

Tom Swifties

Ventriloquist: A man with a dummy who always talks to himself.

Definitions

I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.

Education School

Sociology: Journalism without news.

Definitions

Upgraded: Didn't work the first time.

Definitions Situations

Psychiatrists: People with the same problems as anyone else, but with an accent.

Definitions Doctors Health

Character: What you have left when you’ve lost everything you can lose.

Definitions

Voting: A process of standing in line for the opportunity to help decide which party will spend your money.

Definitions

“Don’t you love sleeping outdoors,” Tom said intently.

Tom Swifties

Calendar: An attempt, underwritten by the principal religions, to make the heavenly bodies keep regular hours.

Definitions

Smuggler: One who neglects his duty to his country.

Definitions Wordplay

Gorilla see, gorilla do.

Mixed metaphors

The father of the bride should realize he isn’t losing a daughter but gaining a bathroom.

Family Marriage

“I’ve been waiting to see the doctor,” said Tom patiently.

Tom Swifties

“I can lend you the money,” Tom said with interest.

Tom Swifties

As Bob is my witless

Malaprops

A rolling stone is worth two in the bush.

Mixed metaphors