Author: Anonymous Page 37

“I’ve only enough carpet for the hall and landing,” said Tom with a blank stare.

Tom Swifties

She has really plummeted to the top of the charts.

Malaprops

I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.

Children Family

Slander: To lie, or tell the truth, about someone.

Communication Definitions

Teenagers: People who get hungry again before the dishes are even washed.

Age Definitions

Atomic Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Definitions

Two-minute warning: When your baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Definitions

Keyboard: The standard way to generate computer errors.

Computers Definitions Things

Debt: A trap which a man sets and baits himself, and then deliberately gets into.

Definitions Money

He is so old… his social security number is 6.

Age Exaggerations Old

Parenthood: Feeding the mouth that bites you.

Definitions Family Parents Wordplay

I’m gonna dig in my feet on this one.

Mixed metaphors

Like stealing cake from a baby

Mixed metaphors

The faster a computer is, the faster it will reach a crashed state.

Computers Failure Murphy’s Laws Things

Dentist: A collector of old magazines.

Definitions Occupations

Curve: The loveliest distance between two points.

Appearance Body Definitions

We wanted to help the indiguous people of the country.

Malaprops

Abort: To correct a misconception.

Definitions

Let sleeping ducks lie.

Animals Dogs Malaprops

Deficit: What you have when you don’t have as much as if you had nothing.

Definitions Money

We’ll tackle that bridge when we come to it.

Mixed metaphors