Author: Anonymous Page 38

e-mail: An advertising medium which is misused for personal messaging.

Communication Definitions

He is so ugly… the psychiatrist makes him lie face down.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

“I’m of greater value to you every day”, said Tom appreciatively.

Tom Swifties

Chance: The pseudonym of God when he does not want to sign.

Definitions

Camp: A place in the country where a mother sends her children for her vacation.

Definitions Places

Adolescence is the best substitute ever invented for experience.

Age

Doctor: The only man who hasn’t a guaranteed cure for a cold.

Definitions Doctors Health

Will: A dead giveaway.

Death Definitions

Bridegroom: A man who is amazed at the outcome of what he thought was a harmless little flirtation.

Definitions

Communism: Nobody’s got nothin’, but everybody’s workin’.

Definitions

Pickpocket: A man who believes that every crowd has a silver lining.

Crime Definitions

Businessman: One who could have made more money with less trouble in an easier line.

Definitions Occupations

You have to dance to a different drum.

Mixed metaphors

Make money and the whole nation will conspire to call you a gentleman.

Characteristics Money

“I will now demonstrate how to dissect a sheep,” delivered Tom.

Tom Swifties

Economist: One who takes a lot of unwarranted assumptions and reaches a foregone conclusion.

Definitions Occupations Work

Handkerchief: Cold Storage.

Definitions Health

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

Life Money

“I prefer trout to salmon,” Tom said officiously.

Tom Swifties

Blushing: The color of virtue.

Definitions

Congress: A body of men brought together to slow down the government.

Congress Definitions Government