Author: Anonymous Page 39

A rolling stone kills no birds.

Window Screen: A device for keeping flies in the house.

Till the cows freeze over.

The hula dance is simple: you put some grass on one hip, some more grass on the other hip, and then you rotate the crops.

If someone told him to haul ass he'd have to make six trips.

They live so deep in the woods they kept possums as yard dogs.

[Marriage] is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

Let’s split the baby with the bathwater.

Let’s go to lunch, I'm emancipated!

Glutton: A person who takes the piece of French pastry you wanted.

American Language: English run over by a musical comedy.

He is so fat… his high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.

“Hurry up and get to the back of the ship!” Tom said sternly.

You’re the sort of person Dr. Spooner would have called a shining wit!

Alimony: A system wherein two people make a mistake, and one of them keeps on paying for it.

Multitasking: Messing up several chores at the same time.

Punctuality: Waiting around for other people.

It's gonna snowball through the whole fireworks.

The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm.

Adherent: A follower who has not yet obtained all that he expects to get.

“Life isn’t fair,” said Tom darkly.