Author: Anonymous Page 39

A rolling stone kills no birds.

Mixed metaphors

Window Screen: A device for keeping flies in the house.

Definitions Things

Till the cows freeze over.

Mixed metaphors

The hula dance is simple: you put some grass on one hip, some more grass on the other hip, and then you rotate the crops.

Dance Entertainment

If someone told him to haul ass he'd have to make six trips.

Appearance Body Expressions Fat

They live so deep in the woods they kept possums as yard dogs.

Animals Expressions Places Situations

[Marriage] is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

Marriage

Let’s split the baby with the bathwater.

Mixed metaphors

Let’s go to lunch, I'm emancipated!

Food/Drink Malaprops

Glutton: A person who takes the piece of French pastry you wanted.

Definitions Eating Food/Drink People

American Language: English run over by a musical comedy.

Communication Definitions

He is so fat… his high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

“Hurry up and get to the back of the ship!” Tom said sternly.

Tom Swifties

You’re the sort of person Dr. Spooner would have called a shining wit!

Insults

Alimony: A system wherein two people make a mistake, and one of them keeps on paying for it.

Divorce Marriage

Multitasking: Messing up several chores at the same time.

Activities Definitions

Punctuality: Waiting around for other people.

Definitions

It's gonna snowball through the whole fireworks.

Mixed metaphors

The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm.

Beliefs God Sex

Adherent: A follower who has not yet obtained all that he expects to get.

Definitions People

“Life isn’t fair,” said Tom darkly.

Tom Swifties