Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 39
Consultant: Someone who borrows your watch then tells you what time it is.
Anonymous
Definitions
Consultant
Borrow money from pessimists; they don't expect it back.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Money
Pessimism
Antique: An item your grandparents bought, your parents got rid of, and you're buying again.
Anonymous
Definitions
Things
Antique
Silicone Treatment: The bust that money can buy.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Definitions
Silicone Treatment
A good idea is one that hits the other fellow with a bolt of envy.
Anonymous
Ideas
Intelligence
Envy
Management: A class of semi-skilled corporate hirelings whose rise within the organization correlates directly with the amount of work they delegate to their more-talented underlings.
Anonymous
Definitions
Work
Management
“I decided which car to purchase after looking at the pictures,” said Tom autobiographically.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Farmer: The only man who can lose money every year, live well, educate his children, and then die rich.
Anonymous
Definitions
Farmer
Forger: A man who made a name for himself.
Anonymous
Definitions
Forger
90% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Anonymous
Government
Law
Lawyers
Reputation
Everybody had some
antidotes
to tell.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Speech
Anecdotes
Remember
Pearl Island.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Places
Pearl Harbor
Up a tree without a paddle.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Courtship: A man pursuing a woman until she catches him.
Anonymous
Dating
Definitions
Relationships
Courtship
Among the many remedies that won’t cure a cold, the most common is advice.
Anonymous
Beliefs
Health
Advice
Colds
Remedies
Accordionated: Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.
Anonymous
Definitions
Wordplay
Accordionated
Congress: A place where there are too many Democratic congressmen, too many Republican congressmen – and not enough U.S. Congressmen.
Anonymous
Congress
Definitions
Government
That guy is a wolf in cheap clothing.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Microsoft™ is thoroughly dropping the ball on that front.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Unabated: A fishhook without a worm.
Anonymous
Definitions
Unabated
“I’m swimming in the middle of Paris!” shouted Tom insanely.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Seine
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