Author: Anonymous Page 40

“No, I won’t give you a note saying you’re excused,” said Tom unwaveringly.

Tom Swifties

Tailor: An occupation that suits everyone.

Definitions Occupations Work

Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offense.

Definitions

Gardening: Man’s effort to improve his lot.

Activities Definitions

Dog: The only friend you can buy for money.

Animals Definitions Dogs

Obesity: A surplus gone to waist.

Appearance Body Definitions Fat Wordplay

“I’m going to be intestate,” said Tom unwillingly.

Tom Swifties

Nursery: Bawl room.

Definitions

Long road to hoe.

Mixed metaphors

“Europe needs more self-restraint,” said Tom continently.

Tom Swifties

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Family Relationships Science/Weather

What a terrible cat's after me!

Malaprops

I just asked you what time it was, not how a watch works.

Communication Expressions

You’d be a overweight neurotic fighter too if your name was Shirley Crabtree.

Sports

Don’t eat with your mouth full!

Mixed metaphors

That's a hard bubble to crack.

Mixed metaphors

The squeeky wheel gets the worm.

Mixed metaphors

Spinster: An unlusted number.

Definitions People Women

Friend: A good friend is like a good bra… hard to find, supportive, comfortable, and always close to your heart.

Definitions Friends People

I got a run in my neon stockings.

Clothing Malaprops

Claustrophobia: The fear of Santa Claus.

Definitions