Author: Anonymous Page 40

I’ll be on him like a wild dog on a ham.

Expressions

Urinalysis: The study of pissed off people.

Definitions Health Wordplay

Kiss: A course of procedure, cunningly devised, for the mutual stoppage of speech at a moment when words are superfluous.

Definitions

Don’t bite the hand that looks dirty.

Mixed metaphors

“I won’t buy a circuit breaker,” Tom refused.

Tom Swifties

Tips: Wages we pay other people’s help.

Definitions

His ears are so big… he heard the sun come up.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

Will: A dead giveaway.

Death Definitions

I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

Communication Language Money

Dieting is not a piece of cake.

Food/Drink

A well-adjusted man is one who can play golf as if it were a game.

Golf Sports

“The average frequency of my voice is 160 Hz,” said Tom in measured tones.

Tom Swifties

Plagiarism: Failure to adorn stolen ideas with footnotes, as opposed to scholarship, which repeatedly acknowledges the theft.

Definitions Ideas Reading/Writing

“I need an injection,” Tom pleaded in vain.

Tom Swifties

Chastity: Perhaps the most peculiar of all sexual aberrations.

Definitions Sex

A bird in the hand is worth two in the tush.

Malaprops

Great Timesaver: Love at first sight.

Definitions

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

Alcohol Food/Drink

Get a new car for your spouse; it'll be a great trade!

Autos Things

Bull Market: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Definitions

Spouse: Someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.

Definitions Marriage