Author: Anonymous Page 41

Life: Coming into the world wit nothing, leaving with nothing and, in between, giving everything to the IRS.

Definitions Life Taxes

It ain't rocket surgery.

Mixed metaphors

“Boy, will I give you a haircut!” said Tom barbarously.

Tom Swifties

“Eating garbage is a form of recycling, but I can’t eat any more,” said Tom wastefully.

Tom Swifties

Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.

Characteristics Intelligence Situations Understanding

Intuition: Suspicion in skirts.

Definitions

Abstainer: A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

Definitions

Life’s all about ass – covering it, kicking it, kissing it or trying to get it.

Life

“There’s room for one more,” Tom admitted.

Tom Swifties

“This salmon is excellent,” said Tom superficially.

Tom Swifties

Adage: To become older.

Definitions

Business: Something which, if you don’t have any, you go out of.

Definitions

A sound mind and a sound body go hand in hand.

Mixed metaphors

Manners: Noises you don’t make when eating soup.

Definitions

Eskimos: God’s frozen people.

Definitions People

Yacht: A floating debt.

Definitions

“The doctor had to remove a bone from my arm,” said Tom humorlessly.

Tom Swifties

“This is the wrong tree,” Tom barked, as he climbed up.

Tom Swifties

Science Fiction: Fairy tales for nerds.

Communication Definitions Science/Weather

They paired off, one by one.

Mixed metaphors

She flew off the deep end.

Mixed metaphors