Author: Anonymous Page 51

Apparently: As either mother or father would do it.

Definitions

I feel like death eatin’ a soda cracker.

Expressions Health

They paired off, one by one.

Mixed metaphors

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.

Health

Raising kids is like being pecked to death by a chicken.

Children Expressions Family

It is better to be on penicillin, than never to have loved at all.

Emotions Love

Bulletin: Your receipt for attending church services.

Definitions

American Idealism: Being willing to make any sacrifice that won’t hurt business.

Definitions

An injured friend of his was going to receive back pay radioactively.

Malaprops Money Time

Anatomy: A class that sounds vaguely risqué until you find out what it really involves.

Body Definitions Education School

Doctor: A man who suffers from good health.

Definitions Doctors

An allowance is what you pay your children to live with you.

Children Definitions Family

“Who was in the sauna with you while I was at work today?” she asked hotly.

Tom Swifties

Your being Sir Anthony's son, would itself be a sufficient accommodation.

Malaprops

Time rolled up like a scroll, while the plague nibbled at the edges of their years.

Mixed metaphors

Bad Driver: The person you run into.

Autos Definitions Things

“I see,” said Tom icily.

Tom Swifties

A bird in the hand is worth two in the tush.

Malaprops

“One of the ten finalists in the ‘London derriere’ contest had to drop out”, said Tom asininely.

Tom Swifties

Bridegroom: A man who is amazed at the outcome of what he thought was a harmless little flirtation.

Definitions

Patience: The quality you admire in the driver behind you but can’t stand in the driver who’s in front of you.

Characteristics Definitions