Author: Anonymous Page 51

I.T.: Customer Support without the common sense.

Definitions

Multitasking: Messing up several chores at the same time.

Activities Definitions

Psychiatrists: People with the same problems as anyone else, but with an accent.

Definitions Doctors Health

Satan: The scarecrow in the religious cornfield.

Beliefs Definitions Religion

Remember Pearl Island.

Malaprops Places

She's uglier than homemade soap.

Miscellaneous

Dust: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

Definitions

Kiss: What the child gets free, the young man steals, and the old man buys.

Definitions

He is so fat… his high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

He is so poor… he can't even pay attention.

Exaggerations Money Poverty

Abort: To correct a misconception.

Definitions

Idiot: A man who sees your point in an argument but refuses to see your way.

Definitions Intelligence

“I have those totals for you”, Tom added.

Tom Swifties

Censor: A person who sticks his noes into other people’s business.

Definitions

Run your kite up the flagpole

Mixed metaphors

handle him with kids’ gloves

Malaprops

A waist is a terrible thing to mind.

Appearance Body Fat

Growing up the trellis were pink and yellow concubines.

Malaprops

Easy: Used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

Definitions People Sex Women

Chauffeur: A man who is smart enough to operate an automobile, but clever enough not to own one.

Autos Definitions Things

“I think I’ve broken my leg ”, reported Tom lamely.

Tom Swifties