Author: Anonymous Page 53

Experience: What causes a person to make new mistakes instead of the same old ones.

Definitions Mistakes

Good Neighbor: One who doesn’t borrow his garden hose back too often.

Definitions

Accomplice: One who lacks brains as well as honesty.

Definitions

Satan: The scarecrow in the religious cornfield.

Beliefs Definitions Religion

 “My parents are called Billy and Nanny,” Tom kidded.

Tom Swifties

Diplomacy: The art of letting someone else have your own way.

Definitions

She is so ugly… when she walked in to Taco Bell, everyone ran for the border.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

I wish I could play my normal game… just once.

Golf Sports

Death: Life’s way of telling you you’ve been fired.

Death Definitions Life

Wink: A whether signal.

Definitions

“I like camping,” said Tom intently.

Tom Swifties

Long road to hoe.

Mixed metaphors

Creditor: A man who has a better memory than a debtor.

Definitions

Monastery: Consecration camp.

Definitions Religion

Awe: Wow of silence.

Definitions

If he fell into a pile of horse shit, he’d start looking for a pony.

Characteristics Expressions

“That’s especially stupid!” said Tom superciliously.

Tom Swifties

Parole: A period at the end of a sentence.

Definitions

When my wife gets a little upset, sometimes a simple “Calm down” in a soothing voice is all it takes to get her a lot upset.

Marriage Wives

Wood: That remarkable material which burns so easily in a forest and with such difficulty in a fireplace.

Definitions

Cleavage: Something which excites disapproval in everyone but the audience.

Body Definitions