Author: Anonymous Page 69

It is so hot… the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

People have the persona that all Texans wear cowboy hats.

Beliefs Malaprops Opinion

Censor: A person who sticks his noes into other people’s business.

Definitions

Middle age is when we can do just as much as ever – but would rather not.

Age

Ability: What will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.

Definitions

Church: Man’s effort to keep a roof over God’s head.

Beliefs Definitions God

Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do… but she's certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did.

Husbands Marriage Wives

Philanthropist: One who gives away what he should give back.

Definitions

Antique: An item your grandparents bought, your parents got rid of,  and you're buying again.

Definitions Things

“We can’t have this and eat it too,” said Tom archaically.

Tom Swifties

You can dish it out, but you can't take it with you.

Mixed metaphors

It's a big nut to swallow.

Mixed metaphors

“A dog bit me,” said Tom rabidly.

Tom Swifties

We all have our own legs to pull.

Mixed metaphors

Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?

Expressions Marriage

You've put your finger right on the nail.

Mixed metaphors

Senior Executive: Anyone with an office on the carpeted corridor.

Definitions

Insomnia: The inability to sleep even when it’s time to get up.

Activities Definitions Sleep

Centenarian: A person who has lived to be one hundred years old. He never smoked or he smoked all his life. He used whiskey for eighty years or he never used it. He was a vegetarian or he wasn’t a vegetarian.

Age Definitions Old

It is so hot… the cows arre giving evaporated milk.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

An Irishman is the only man in the world who will step over the bodies of a dozen naked women to get to a bottle of stout.

Alcohol Food/Drink People