Author: Anonymous Page 75

Accident: A thing that is caused by people, but often causes people.

Accidents Definitions Problems

“I love hot dogs,” said Tom with relish.

Tom Swifties

He is so fat… people jump over him rather than go around.

Appearance Exaggerations Fat

Kinky is using a feather; perverted is using the whole chicken.

Sex

Apology: Politeness too late.

Definitions

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

Sports

“Is it true that some animals will eat their own babies?” asked Tom literately.

Tom Swifties

Manners: Noises you don’t make when eating soup.

Definitions

Eunuch: One who is cut off from temptation.

Body Definitions

Dictator: One who thinks he can take it – no matter to whom it belongs.

Definitions

Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it.

Conflict Crime People

She’s so stupid… if you give her a penny for her thoughts, you'll get change back.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

“I used to be a paratrooper,” Tom explained.

Tom Swifties

Remember, Rome wasn’t burned an a day.

Mixed metaphors

Disrespect: Giving someone half of the peace sign without suggesting they’re number one.

Definitions

New systems generate new problems.

Murphy’s Laws

Marriage: The mourning after the knot before.

Definitions Marriage

Ability: What will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.

Definitions

Bigamy is the only crime on the books where two rites make a wrong.

Marriage

I have taken many of God's blessings for granite.

Malaprops

“I visit my parents every Sunday,” said Tom weakly.

Tom Swifties