Author: Anonymous Page 75

She is so fat… she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Falsies: A hope chest.

Body Clothing Definitions

“That’s not how you draw a circle,” he criticized her roundly.

Tom Swifties

He’s suffering from a lack of self of steam.

Characteristics Malaprops

My husband went to Radio Shack and got some dog ears for the TV.

Malaprops Television

Budget: An attempt to live below your yearnings.

Definitions

“I like ragged margins,” said Tom without justification.

Tom Swifties

Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

Definitions Marriage

I'm on a wrong-way street!

Driving Malaprops

Courtship: A period during which a girl decides whether or not she can do better.

Definitions Relationships

Market Correction: The day after you buy stocks.

Definitions

You have the right to remain silent; anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.

Communication Law Speech

Shyster: The other fellow’s lawyer.

Definitions Lawyers

Plumber: A drain surgeon.

Definitions Occupations

Automation takes more people to correct the mistakes.

Mistakes Problems

“Nay!” said Tom hoarsely.

Tom Swifties

I've been up and down like a light switch.

Mixed metaphors

There are rules about riding a horse, but the horse won’t necessarily know them.

Animals

Astronomer: Night watchman.

Definitions Occupations

Sometimes you just have to let sleeping dogs fall where they may.

Mixed metaphors

Air Travel: Seeing less and less of more and more.

Activities Definitions