Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 3

Experience is what makes you pause briefly before going ahead and making the same mistake.

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Mistakes Problems Situations Time

Prison inmates are treated to cable TV, hot meals and a college education, while on the outside some people can only afford these things through a life of crime!

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Conflict Crime Money

If opera is entertainment, then falling off a roof is transportation!

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Entertainment

A business executive is someone who talks golf in the office and business on the golf course!

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Golf People Sports

Most wives are like ventriloquists: they stand there nodding while the dummy does all the talking.

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Communication Marriage Speech Wives

The reason most people talk to themselves is because they’re often the only ones who will listen.

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Communication Speech

America is still a land of promise, especially during a political campaign.

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America Government Places Politics

These days, the only time politicians tell the truth is when they call each other a liar.

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Characteristics Honesty Lies Politicians Truth

Most people still believe in a hard day’s work, but they also believe it should be spread out over the course of a week or two.

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Time Work

Crime does not pay… as well as politics.

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Conflict Crime Government Politics

Most bosses never lift a finger at work, unless it’s to point out something you did wrong.

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Mistakes Work

Plenty of people believe in energy conservation – mainly their own.

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Science/Weather

Starting a war in the name of peace is like poking a hole in a balloon to get more air into it.

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Conflict War

Politicians are always trying to convince you that they can solve the unemployment problem if you'll just give them a job.

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Elections/Voting Government Politicians Work

Ever notice how many government officials make their raises effective long before they ever are?

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Government Money

We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.

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Situations Things

Money still talks these days… trouble is, you have to increase the volume alot!

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Death Money Time

Most minds are like concrete… all mixed up and permanently set!

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Intelligence People

It's a good idea to save your money; one day it might be worth something again!

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Money

The suburbs are where they cut down all the trees and then name streets after them!

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Places

All lawyers are cut from the same cloth: fleece.

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Crime Government Law Lawyers