Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 2

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for, and politicians find out what people will fall for.

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Elections/Voting Government People Politicians

The suburbs are where they cut down all the trees and then name streets after them!

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Places

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

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Doctors Health Occupations

It takes one to know one – and vice versa!

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Misspokements

These days the meaning of a faithful husband is one whose alimony checks arrive on time.

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Husbands Marriage

If opera is entertainment, then falling off a roof is transportation!

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Entertainment

America is still a land of promise, especially during a political campaign.

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America Government Places Politics

A gossip columnist is someone who uses dirt to make a mountain out of a molehill.

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Communication

The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!

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Money Past Time

A business executive is someone who talks golf in the office and business on the golf course.

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Golf Sports

Money still talks these days… trouble is, you have to increase the volume alot!

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Death Money Time

Most wives are like ventriloquists: they stand there nodding while the dummy does all the talking.

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Communication Marriage Speech Wives

If most people said what’s on their minds, they’d be speechless.

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Communication Intelligence Mind Speech

If we really learned from our past mistakes, most of us would never get out of bed in the morning.

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Education History Learning Mistakes

Elections are when people find out what politicians stand for, and politicians find out what people will fall for.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Elections/Voting Government Politicians

Starting a war in the name of peace is like poking a hole in a balloon to get more air into it.

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Conflict War

A family vacation is when you go away with the people you need to get away from.

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Activities Relationships

Experience is what makes you pause briefly before going ahead and making the same mistake.

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Mistakes Problems Situations Time

Teenagers are people who act like babies if they're not treated like adults!

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People

Many a good egg ends up getting beaten.

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Characteristics

Medical insurance is what allows people to be ill at ease!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Health Money