Author: Josh Billings Page 2

Men mourn for what they have lost; women for what they ain't got.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Men People Women

When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and give it to him.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Beliefs Opinion

If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it as the old woman did her lost spectacles, safe on her own nose all the time.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Emotions Happiness

I have never known a person to live to be one hundred and be remarkable for anything else.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Age Old Success

Love looks through a telescope, envy through a microscope.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Emotions Love

Suicide is cheating the doctor out of a job.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Death Doctors Health

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs Emotions Love

Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Appearance Insults

Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Emotions God Love Marriage

Life is short, but it’s long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Life

It's a wise man who profits by his own experience, but it's a good deal wiser one who lets the rattlesnake bite the other fellow.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Intelligence Wisdom

It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Money Time

It ain’t what a man don’t know that makes him a fool, but what he does know that ain’t so.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Fools Intelligence

There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can’t tell the truth without lying.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Honesty Lies

The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Fools Intelligence

The devil is the father of lies, but he neglected to patent the idea, and the business now suffers from competition.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Beliefs Honesty Lies

It is true that wealth won't make a man virtuous, but I notice there ain't anybody who wants to be poor just for the purpose of being good.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Money Poverty Wealth

As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Honesty Truth

Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Family

Old maids sweeten their tea with scandal.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
People

About the only difference between the poor and the rich, is… the poor suffer misery, while the rich have to enjoy it.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Money People