Author: Rod Schmidt

The sky is falling… no, I'm tipping over backwards.


Science/Weather Situations

I took a course in speed waiting… now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.


Learning Time

If you write the word "monkey" a million times, do you start to think you're
 Shakespeare?


Communication Reading/Writing

I Xeroxed my watch and now I can give away free watches.


Things

I eat Swiss cheese from the inside out.


Eating Food/Drink

I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2×4 and a box of 3×5′s and the clerk said, “ten-four.”


Activities Communication Language Shopping

I washed a sock… then I put it in the dryer and when I took it out, it was gone.


Situations

I Xeroxed my watch… now I have time to spare.


Things Time

If you take a oriental and turn him around so he faces west, does he become disoriented?


People Places

I went to San Francisco; I found someone's heart.


America Places

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?


Communication Reading/Writing

My friend Sam has one leg… I went to his house; I couldn't go up the stairs.


Situations

How many people does it take to change a searchlight bulb?


People

I was born by Caesarean section, but you really can't tell… except that when I leave my house, I always go out the window.


Health

A metaphor is like a simile.


Communication Language

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?


Emotions Situations

In school, every period ends with a bell… every sentence ends with a period… every crime ends with a sentence.


Education School

Is "tired old cliche" one?


Communication Language

I had my coathangers spayed.


Things

If you can wave a fan, and you can wave a club, can you wave a fan club?


Communication Language Things

There aren't enough days in the weekend.


Time