Author: Stewart Francis Page 5

You're looking at a very proud Canadian who is very proud of the educational system in Canadia.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Canada Education Learning

But what if dolphins don't want to swim with retarded children?

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Miscellaneous

I was raised by my father; my mother left before I was born.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Family Parents

At school the other kids used to push me around and call me lazy; I loved that wheelchair.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Wordplay

My parents are mixed-race… my father prefers the 100 meters… my mom is Pakistani.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Parents

A cure for agoraphobics is just around the corner.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Health Language

I quit my job at the helium gas factory – I didn’t like being spoken to in that voice.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Miscellaneous Speech

I’m not a very competitive person… I’m always the first to say it.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Characteristics

Ways to Relieve Stress #10: Make up a language and ask people for directions.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Emotions Language

My mum walked in on me wanking and looking at her wedding pictures. "You perv!" she screamed at me.
It's not what you think, Mum… I was looking at the priest.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Sex

You're looking at a very proud Canadian who is very proud of the educational system in Canadia…

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Canada Communication Education Learning Places Reading/Writing

There are two types of people I hate… racists and Norwegians.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
People

I quit my job at the helium gas factory; I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Speech Work

I read today that 10 out of 2 people are dyslectic.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Health

My girlfriend thinks I’m very mature. She also thinks I’m incapable of being faithful. My wife, on the other hand…

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Characteristics Marriage Relationships

I want to donate a large amount of money to a rape clinic and I won't take no for an answer.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
People

I'm not much of a storyteller… interesting how that all started…

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Speech

I'm not a competitive person… I'll be the first to admit it.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
People Self

My teacher said I'd do much better at school if I stopped flirting… I immediately got off his lap.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Situations

My wife and I decided we don’t want children; if someone wants them, we’ll drop them off tomorrow.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Children Family

People say I’m a plagiarist… their word, not mine.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Wordplay