Subject: Age » Old

If you want to recapture your youth, just cut off his allowance.

(1919 – 2006) American comedian & actor

The years that a woman subtracts from her age are not lost… they are added to the ages of other women.


(1499 – 1566) French noblewoman & prominent courtier

When you are over the hill, you pick up speed.

Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning; old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

She is so old… her dreams are in black and white.

When men reach their sixties and retire they go to pieces; women just go on cooking.


Growing old’s like being increasingly penalized for a crime you haven't committed.

(1905 – 2000) English writer

Old age is the most unexpected of all the things that can happen to a man.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist

A person is always startled when he hears himself seriously called an old man for the first time.

(1841 – 1935) American jurist & Supreme Court justice

I have never known a person to live to be one hundred and be remarkable for anything else.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

The four stages of a man are infancy, childhood, adolescence and obsolescence.

(1912 – 2010) Canadian-born American radio & television personality & humorist

I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend.

(1956 – ) American comedian

To an old man any place that’s warm is homeland.

(1868 – 1936) Russian writer & political activist

Barometer: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Retire? … I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

The greatest problem about old age is the fear that it may go on too long.

(1906 – 1990) British historian

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it.

(1931 – 2005) American actor

The worst feature of a new baby is its mother’s singing.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

She’ll never admit it, but I believe it is Mama.

(1917 – 2016) Hungarian-born American actress

I'm not saying older women are sluttier; I'm just saying, an older woman isn't gonna make you wait 'til three in the morning 'cause she's got shit to do the next day.

American comedian