Subject: Appearance » Hair

We can’t be lovers because we both have mustaches, but since you’re a lady, and I’m a gentleman, I’ll shave mine off.

(1982 – ) American author

Her hair lounges on her shoulders like an anesthetized cocker spaniel.

American journalist & critic

She was what we used to call a suicide blonde—dyed by her own hand.

(1915 – 2005) Canadian writer

He doesn't die his hair – he's just prematurely orange.

(1913 – 2006) 36th U.S. president

I was so ugly, my mother breast fed me through a straw.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

I get all my hair products at PetCo.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic

I knew I was going bald when it was taking longer and longer to wash my face.

(1964 – ) English comedian, author & television presenter

A celebrity is anyone who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician

Al, why don't you get a haircut?

(1897 – 1961) American actress

That's where Jack and I were different, he would let his hair down; I just took mine off.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

If you perm your hair twice in opposite directions, does it come out straight?

(1975 – ) English physicist

She was so ugly that when I bent down to pet her cat it turned out to be the hair on her legs.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

You might be a redneck if… you think the winter Olympic sport of curling is part of the “Big Hair” competition.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

I don’t think cops should wear mirrored sunglasses; the whole time the guy was chewing me out, all I could think was “I should cut my bangs.”

Canadian-American comedian & writer

People always ask me how long it takes to do my hair – I don’t know, I’m never there.

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & actress

All other things being equal, a bald man cannot be elected President of the United States.

Claire: Your hair looks good, the curls work. Why don’t you get a perm?
Rose Morgan: I tried that once, I looked like Shirley Temple on crack.

(1942 – ) American singer-songwriter, actress, writer, film producer & director

I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important than others.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

There are three acceptable haircuts: high and tight, crew cut, buzz cut.

(1970 – ) American actor, writer & carpenter

I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic

He was young – He was fair – But the Injuns – Raised his hair

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