Subject: Communication » Language

Interpreter: A ventriloquist using two dummies.

Incomprehensible jargon is the hallmark of a profession.

(1919 – 1988) American diplomat & educator

The past does not repeat itself, but it rhymes.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

She went into the hospital after being bitten by a spider in a bathing suit.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist

The only man, woman, or child who ever wrote a simple declarative sentence with seven grammatical errors is dead.

(1894 – 1962) poet

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor

Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offence.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

She was another of his near Mrs.

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist

Do people in Australia, call the rest of the world, "Up Over"?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

A chrysanthemum by any other name would be easier to spell.

author

If "con" is the opposite of pro, then isn't Congress the opposite of progress?

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian

Anything in parentheses can be ignored.

Saying ‘I’m sorry’ is the same as saying ‘I apologize,’ … except at a funeral.

(1973 – ) American comedian

I think one of the most groundbreaking inventions of all time is the jackhammer.

(1973 – ) American comedian

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

I am a bear of very little brain, and long words bother me.

fictional character from the book series by A. A. Milne

Exaggeration: Formal term for a collection of fishermen (i.e. an exaggeration of anglers).

The road to hell is paved with adverbs.

(1947 – ) novelist, screenwriter

To see him fumbling with our rich and delicate English is like seeing a Sevres vase in the hands of a chimpanzee.

(1903 – 1966) English writer

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
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