Subject: Communication (Page 81)

Castration: A eunuch experience.

Definitions Wordplay

I keep reading between the lies.

(Aiskowitz) (1899 – 1982) humorist
Characteristics Language Lies Truth

Those big-shot writers could never dig the fact that there are more salted peanuts consumed than caviar.

(1918 – 2006) American writer
Books Communication Reading/Writing

It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

(1906 – 1992) American computer programmer & inventor of COBOL
Characteristics Communication

Man was predestined to have free will.

Beliefs Wordplay

I used to have a speech impediment, but we got divorced.

(1926 – 1988) American cartoonist (The Lockhorns)
Communication Divorce Marriage Speech Wives

I have been called too vague by you know who… but you know the old saying…

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language

Congress is so strange; a man gets up to speak and says nothing – nobody listens—and then everybody disagrees.

(1898 – 1967) Russian writer
Communication Congress Government Speech

Most writers regard truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most economical in its use.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Communication Honesty Truth

I can take any amount of criticism so long as it is unqualified praise.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Communication People Self

I wrote a few children's books… not on purpose.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Books Children Communication Reading/Writing

I was at a party a couple of weeks ago, talking to this guy about the Gaza Strip; he thought it was the adhesive side of a maxi pad.

(1961 – ) comedian, writer, radio & television personality & blogger
Conversation People Stupidity Things

Misnomer: The right name for the wrong word.

Communication Definitions Language

Oscar night at my house is called Passover.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Communication Wordplay

A kiss that speaks volumes is seldom a first edition.

(1892 – 1972) American comedian, dancer & composer
Emotions Sex Wordplay

Exaggeration: Formal term for a collection of fishermen (i.e. an exaggeration of anglers).

Activities Definitions Language

People with Tourette’s… what makes them tick?

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Health Wordplay

When a man says he had pleasure with a woman he does not mean conversation.

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer
Conversation Men People Sex Women

The progress of science varies inversely with the number of journals published.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing Science/Weather

I had a job drilling holes for water… it was well, boring.


Communication Wordplay

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Communication Language