Subject: Definitions (Page 2)

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Fiber: Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy another six or eight years in which to consume wood-pulp.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Age Definitions Food/Drink Health Old

Epitaph: An inscription which hopes that virtues acquired by death will have a retroactive effect.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions

Learning: The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Education Language Learning

Pain: An uncomfortable frame of mind that may have a physical basis in something that is being done to the body, or may be purely mental, caused by the good fortune of another.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions Intelligence Mind

Underwear: An article of clothing which, when kept clean, ensures the wearer will never have an accident.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Ignoramus: Someone who doesn’t know something that you learned yesterday.

Definitions Intelligence

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Definitions Science/Weather Taxes

Arsonist: A person who sets the world on fire… at least in a small way.

Definitions

Taxidermist: A man who mounts animals.

Animals Definitions Occupations

Luck: An explanation for the other fellows’ success.

Definitions

Philanthropist: One who gives away what he should give back.

Definitions

Donuts: The only non-negotiable element to a successful meeting.

Definitions

Auditor: A person who goes in after the war is lost to bayonet the wounded.

Definitions Occupations

Budget: A family quarrel.

Definitions

Experience: What you get from being inexperienced.

Definitions

Take: To acquire, frequently by force but preferably by stealth.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Situations

Woman: A creature who is either making a fool out of man, or making a man out of a fool.

Definitions People

Telephone: A contrivance for letting us talk to people whom we don’t want to meet.

Definitions Things

Flood: A river too big for its bridges.

Definitions

Accordion Music: Noise that comes from playing both ends against the middle.

Definitions Entertainment Music

Insanity: Grounds for divorce in some states; grounds for marriage in all

Definitions Marriage