Subject: Family (Page 2)

We were so poor my daddy unplugged the clocks when we went to bed.

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director
Family Fathers Money Poverty Things

Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president, but they don’t want them to become politicians in the process.

(1917 – 1963) 35th U.S. president
Family Government Mothers Politicians President

You might be a redneck if… you have a bumper sticker that says, "MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT AT SOUTH LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH."

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Education Mothers People Rednecks School

… without embarrassing parents there’d be no psychology.

(1955 – ) American actor, comedian, producer, director & singer
Family Parents TV/Movie Quotes

Teacher: A disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.

Children Definitions Education

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Family Places Relationships

With Photoshop so readily available, there’s no reason ever to have a party for a two-year-old.

(1972 – ) stand-up comedian & writer
Children Family Situations

No matter how often you trade dinner or other invitations with in-laws, you will lose a small fortune in the exchange.

Family Money Murphy’s Laws Relationships

My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Family Housework Mothers

Time moves slower in a fast moving vehicle.

Children Murphy’s Laws Time

Having kids is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.

(1943 – ) comedian & actor
Children Family

Go away kid, you bother me.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Children People

My grandfather used to make home movies and edit out the joy.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Emotions Family Happiness

When my daughter was born she had jaundice, she was small, round and yellow; we called her Melony.

(1964 – ) English comedian
Children Family

I went to the cinema, and the prices were: Adults $5.00, children $2.50; so I said, “Give me two boys and a girl.”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Children Entertainment Money

I love little children, but they are like pinatas full of urine.

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Children Family

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.

(1884 – 1972) 33rd U.S. president
Beliefs Children

I never saw my mother up close.

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Family Mothers People Self

You don’t know what love is ’til you become a parent and fish a turd out of the bathtub for someone, then have to act positive about it.

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer
Children Emotions Family Love

[My mother] is the only woman in the world who makes gravy with the Rolaids crushed right into it.

(1937 – 2014) American co-host of radio show “Car Talk”
Cooking Family Food/Drink Mothers

I think it’s a good idea; it keeps the parents off the streets.

(1927 – ) professional baseball player & coach
Baseball Family Parents Sports