Quotes and One Liners
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Some Popular Authors
Alfred E. Neuman
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Bank: An institution that will gladly lend you money provided you can prove you don’t need it.
He’s the only man I ever knew who had rubber pockets so he could steal soup.
(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Of studio boss Jack Warner
Money – the one thing that keeps us in touch with our children.
(1948 – ) English writer, broadcaster, actor & politician
It is true that wealth won't make a man virtuous, but I notice there ain't anybody who wants to be poor just for the purpose of being good.
(1818 – 1885) humorist
Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission.
(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
It seems to be a law in American life that whatever enriches us anywhere except in the wallet inevitably becomes uneconomic.
(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
I was once so broke I forgot whether you cut steak with a knife or drank it with a spoon.
(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
If the guy was poor, I’d give it back.
(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
When asked what would he do if he found $1 million
The trouble with the profit system has always been that it was highly unprofitable to most people.
(1899 – 1985) US author & humorist
Everything takes more time and money.
Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing – and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even.
(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
The only thing I like about rich people is their money.
(1879 – 1964) British politician
The Jack Benny I knew threw his money around… not far – but he threw it.
(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
One time I went to a drive-in in a taxi cab… the movie cost me $95.00.
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Anyone who lives within his means suffers from a lack of imagination.
(1908 – 1994) American actor
Living with your means
If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldn't be enough to go around.
(1902 – 1983) Australian novelist & short-story writer
Stand-Up [comedy] is a lot like sex; there's a lot of crying involved and I get paid to do it.
(1982 – ) American actress & comedian
Mendoza: I am a brigand: I live by robbing the rich.
Tanner: I am a gentleman: I live by robbing the poor.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
From “Man and Superman”
[Charles Dickens] was the bravest man who ever lived; he fathered ten children before they became tax deductions.
(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather.
comedian, counselor & speaker
Money cannot buy health, but I'll settle for a diamond studded wheelchair.
(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
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