Subject: Money

Bank: An institution that will gladly lend you money provided you can prove you don’t need it.

He’s the only man I ever knew who had rubber pockets so he could steal soup.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter

Money – the one thing that keeps us in touch with our children.

(1948 – ) English writer, broadcaster, actor & politician

It is true that wealth won't make a man virtuous, but I notice there ain't anybody who wants to be poor just for the purpose of being good.

(1818 – 1885) humorist

Advertising is 85% confusion and 15% commission.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

It seems to be a law in American life that whatever enriches us anywhere except in the wallet inevitably becomes uneconomic.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist

I was once so broke I forgot whether you cut steak with a knife or drank it with a spoon.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

If the guy was poor, I’d give it back.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager

The trouble with the profit system has always been that it was highly unprofitable to most people.

(1899 – 1985) US author & humorist

Everything takes more time and money.

Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing – and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator

The only thing I like about rich people is their money.

(1879 – 1964) British politician

The Jack Benny I knew threw his money around… not far – but he threw it.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer

One time I went to a drive-in in a taxi cab… the movie cost me $95.00.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Anyone who lives within his means suffers from a lack of imagination.

(1908 – 1994) American actor

If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldn't be enough to go around.

(1902 – 1983) Australian novelist & short-story writer

Stand-Up [comedy] is a lot like sex; there's a lot of crying involved and I get paid to do it.

(1982 – ) American actress & comedian

Mendoza: I am a brigand: I live by robbing the rich.

Tanner: I am a gentleman: I live by robbing the poor.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

[Charles Dickens] was the bravest man who ever lived; he fathered ten children before they became tax deductions.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather.

comedian, counselor & speaker

Money cannot buy health, but I'll settle for a diamond studded wheelchair.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet
The Literacy Site