Subject: Money

The shortest measurable interval of time is the time between the moment one puts a little extra aside for a sudden emergency and the arrival of that emergency.

Money Murphy’s Laws Problems Time

Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

Arms Military Money Murphy’s Laws

My mom bought cookies… and they were never the good cookies; it was always the pack of 1000 that said: 'Cookies.'

comedian
Food/Drink Money Poverty

Among the propensities of humans which almost exceed understanding come the parsimony of the rich and the extravagance of the poor.

Money Poverty Wealth

Most anybody can be a cowboy, but it takes a damn genius to make money at it.

Money Occupations Work

Ever notice how many government officials make their raises effective long before they ever are?

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Government Money

Americans are getting stronger; twenty years ago it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries… today, a five-year-old can do it.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Money

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Language Money

There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.

(1900 – 1967) American film actor
Clothing Money Poverty

If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves.

(1922 – 1999) labor union leader, president of the AFL-CIO
Money Wealth Work

1. Always hire a rich solicitor.

2. Never buy from a rich salesman.

Lawyers Money Murphy’s Laws Wealth

As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.

Money Murphy’s Laws

The most efficient labor-saving device is still money.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Money

At the funeral, everyone said, 'What a shame, he died penniless;' I don't know — to me that sounds like perfect timing on a hell of a budget.

American comedian
Death Money Poverty

Debt means you had more fun than you were supposed to.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
Money

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

(1907 – 1987) journalist & columnist
Money

Stand-Up [comedy] is a lot like sex; there's a lot of crying involved and I get paid to do it.

(1982 – ) American actress & comedian
Entertainment Money Sex

Only have a nervous breakdown if you’ve got loads of money, and then you can really enjoy it.

(1955 – ) English composer, singer, songwriter & producer
Health Money Situations

If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.

(1933 – 1997) Anglo-French billionaire financier
Money Work

When I was 14, he sat me down, said, 'Larry, someday you're gonna meet a girl who's gonna be so right and so wonderful and so perfect that you're not even gonna haggle over price.'

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian
Money Sex

A good film is when the price of the dinner, the theatre admission and the babysitter were worth it.

(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer
Entertainment Film Money