Subject: Money

Money is something you got to make in case you don’t die.

(? – 1968) Russian-American, founder of New York’s famed Stage Deli

What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man?

cartoon character in, The Simpsons (Harry Shearer)

The major concrete achievement of the women's movement in the 1970s was the Dutch treat.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director

Business: The art of extracting money from another man's pocket without resorting to violence.

American author

We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

The tax collector must love poor people, he's creating so many of them.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor

Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners.

American entrepreneur & author

You know the economy is bad when illegals start complaining that Americans are taking their jobs.

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host

When I was young I used to think that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old, I know it is.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

I miss the $2 bill, ‘cause I can break a two. $20, no. $10, no. $5, maybe, $2? Oh yeah. What do you need, a one and another one?

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

You’re supposed to spend two months worth of salary on an engagement ring, so when I get engaged, some lucky lady will receive a piece of Life Savers candy.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer

Income: The sum of money which it costs more than to live.

Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money.

Lerman's Corollary: You are never given enough time or money.

Talk is cheap – except when Congress does it.

(1923 – ) American quote & quip writer

The embarrassing thing is that the salad dressing is outgrossing my films.

(1925 – 2008) American actor, director & entrepreneur

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.

(1909 – 1959) Australian-born American actor

The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist

In this country you’re guilty until proven wealthy.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator

Time is a waste of money.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

Money can't buy happiness; it can, however, rent it.

God shows his contempt for wealth by the kind of person he selects to receive it.

(1858 – 1932) American physicist, physician & humorist