Subject: Work (Page 2)

It’s amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.

(1884 – 1972) 33rd U.S. president
Success Work

The golden rule of work is that the bosses jokes are always funny.

Work

Most people are so lazy, they don't even exercise good judgement!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Characteristics Exercise Work

In the morning be first up, and in the evening last to go to bed, for they that sleep catch no fish.

Proverbs Work

History repeats itself; historians repeat each other.

(1889 – 1944) English historian
History Occupations Time

Cabinet Maker: Counter fitter.

Definitions Occupations

If you enjoy shaming people, I suggest dentistry as a profession.

Canadian-American comedian & writer
Occupations Work

The one who does the least work will get the most credit.

Murphy’s Laws Work

99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Government Lawyers Occupations Work

He worked like hell in the country so he could live in the city, where he worked like hell so he could live in the country.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
America Places Work

Most jobs resemble a sled dog team: no one gets a change of scenery, except the lead dog.

Animals Dogs Murphy’s Laws Situations Work

Anybody who has any doubt about the ingenuity or the resourcefulness of a plumber never got a bill from one.

(1894 – 1980) American labor organizer
Occupations Work

Critics? … I love every bone in their heads.

(1888 – 1953) American playwright
Communication Intelligence Occupations Work

A critic is someone who never actually goes to the battle, yet who afterwards comes out shooting the wounded.

(1946 – ) American stage & screen actress
Beliefs Communication Occupations Work

So the rule is, if you screw up just one too many job interviews, you become a stand-up comedian.

(1970 – ) American comedian & television game show host
Occupations Work

When I told my friends I was going to be a comedian, they laughed at me.

Matt Thompson (1965 – ) American comedian
Emotions Laughter Occupations Work

There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices… in the back you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Places Work

A censor has the peculiar faculty of banning just what we want to hear, see,

Occupations Work

I wish I had put ballet shoes on him and not boxing gloves.

Boxing Occupations Sports

The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Housework Work

I think housework is far more tiring and frightening than hunting is… and yet after hunting we had eggs for tea and were made to rest for hours, but after housework people expect one to go on just as if nothing special had happened.

(1904 – 1973) English novelist & biographer
Housework Work