Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 4

The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

In retrospect it becomes clear that hindsight is definitely overrated!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Most bosses never lift a finger at work, unless it’s to point out something you did wrong.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Crime does not pay… as well as politics.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Any dentist who says “This won’t hurt a bit” is lying through your teeth.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Ever notice how many government officials make their raises effective long before they ever are?

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

These days, the problem with many neighborhoods is that there're more hoods than neighbors!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Political speeches are like steer horns: a point here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

If we really learned from our past mistakes, most of us would never get out of bed in the morning.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

The world is a place that’s gone from being flat to round to crooked.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Politicians are people who get sworn in and cursed out!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

A gossip columnist is someone who uses dirt to make a mountain out of a molehill.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

You know the honeymoon's over when your dog brings your slippers, and your wife barks at you!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Most minds are like concrete… all mixed up and permanently set!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Most people are so lazy, they don't even exercise good judgement!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Nowadays, a balanced diet is when every McNugget weighs the same!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

The only advantage to living in the past is that the rents are much cheaper!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Today it takes more brains and effort to make out the income tax form than it does to make the income.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
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