Keyword: Speed

I play the harmonica, but only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Remember folks, stop lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph.

(1948 – 1990) comedian

The speed of an oncoming vehicle is directly proportional to the length of the passing zone.

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist

Officer, I know I was going faster than 55 MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the
 road an hour.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks grey?

(1973 – ) American comedian

The speed of exit of a civil servant is directly proportional to the quality of his service.

Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

I put a new engine in my car, but didn’t take the old one out and now my car goes 500 miles an hour.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Computing power increases as the square of the cost; if you want to do it twice as cheaply, you have to do it four times slower.

Faster than a scalded dog

Every car has a lot of speed in it. The trick is getting the speed out of it.

American auto racer

Going fast while you are lost won't help a bit.

Problem with [John] Wockenfuss getting on base is that it takes three doubles to score him.

(1934 – 2010) American baseball manager

If you change lines, the one you just left will start to move faster than the one you are now in.

Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Slow as Christmas

When you are over the hill, you pick up speed.

Maybe I have lost a step, but I had a few to lose.

professional football player

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

The vehicle in front of you is traveling slower than you are.