Subject: Activities

The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Activities Games Money

I try to keep fit; I’ve got these parallel bars at home… I run at them and try to buy a drink from both of them.

(1954 – ) English comedian writer
Activities Alcohol Exercise Food/Drink

The difference between light and hard is that you can sleep with a light on.

Situations Sleep

She is going to join the gym to lose some weights.

Activities Exercise Misspokements

I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities

It's like, I hate getting up in the morning, unless it's over and over and over and over again… then I'm good.

American comedian & musician
Situations Sleep

Jogging is for people who aren’t intelligent enough to watch television.

(1953 – 2016) British comedian, actress, singer & screenwriter
Activities Exercise

I like restraint, if it doesn't go too far.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Activities Characteristics

Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.

(1959 – ) Australian writer & television producer
Activities Sleep

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

Conflict Housework Husbands Marriage Proverbs

I dreamt I was forced to eat 25lb of marshmallows; when I woke up, my pillow was missing.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Situations Sleep

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Activities Golf Sports

I’d rather lose at pinochle than win at solitaire.

(1914 – 2011) American politician
Activities Success

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Activities Drugs God People

You know you are getting older when “Happy Hour” is a nap.

Activities Age Old Sleep

I just did some serious cleaning in here; you could totally eat off this table.

Activities

If fishing is a religion, fly fishing is high church.

(1940 – ) American television journalist & author
Activities

My second favorite household chore is ironing, my first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Activities Housework

It only hurt once… from beginning to end.

(1920 – 2004) American swimming coach
Activities Situations

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Activities Death

It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Activities Sex Time