Subject: Activities (Page 5)

There’s no such thing as addiction, there’s only things that you enjoy doing more than life.

(1967 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Drugs

I find apologizing for not having cleaned is easier than cleaning.

(1975 – ) English comedian
Housework

The number of stones in your boot is directly proportional to the number of hours you have been on the trail.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

No matter what I do, I cannot lose this 18 pounds… I mean I have tried everything short of diet and exercise.

American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body Exercise Fat

I'm starting to jog, but every time I do jog I have 9-1 pressed into my phone, with the next ‘1’ ready to be launched in case I drop.

(1965 – ) American comedian, actor, writer & producer
Activities Exercise

Atrophy: An award given to those who do not exercise.

Activities Definitions

When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.

Animals Cats Murphy’s Laws Sleep

Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Housework Women Work

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces… and when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.’

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities

I bet on a horse at ten-to-one; it didn't come in until half-past five.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Activities Sports

All the rudiments of success in life can be found in ironing a pair of trousers.

British boxing champion
Activities Life Success

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Animals

When you arrive at your chosen campsite, it is full.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

When Neil Armstong first set foot on the moon, he and all the space scientists were puzzled by an unidentifiable white object; I knew immediately what it was… that was a home run ball hit off me in 1933 by Jimmie Foxx.

(1908 – 1989) American baseball player
Activities Baseball Sports

Housekeeping ain't no joke.

(1832 – 1888) novelist
Housework Work

I’ve been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Activities Age Golf Old Sports Time

Customs is punishment for those who travel.

(1969 – ) American comedian & actor
Activities Travel

My wife wants sex in the back of the car… and she wants me to drive.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Driving Sex

He travels fastest who travels alone… but he hasn’t anything to do when he gets there.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Travel

It was actually easier for me to become a vegetarian – you know, quitting meat – because your friends never show up at your house with a sack of meat.

(1966 – ) American actor, musician & comedian
Activities Drugs Eating Food/Drink

The only way to make up for being lost is to make record time while you are lost.

Activities Autos Driving Murphy’s Laws