Subject: Activities (Page 9)

Swimming is good for you… especially if you’re drowning.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Activities

Bridge is a friendly game invented by two married couples who disliked each other.

Activities Games

They could have just had a massive pile of burning tires and more people would have turned up.

(1976 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Activities

I love Mexico because it’s a giant dollar store.

(1965 – ) American comedian
Places Shopping

[Poker] as elaborate a waste of human intelligence as you could find outside an advertising agency.

(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter
Activities Communication Games

In life your dreams may not come true, but sooner or later one of your nightmares will.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Problems Sleep

She took my son to Costco, bought 14 pounds of Oreos – and saved us money somehow.

American stand-up comedian
Marriage Money Shopping Wives

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

Activities

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: ‘This looks much better on.’… On what?… On fire?

(1954 – ) American actress & comedian
Activities Clothing Shopping Situations Women

You know how you're going to die, you just don't know when.

comedian
Activities Death Places

Do you ever do one chore, and then celebrate that for ten years?

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer
Activities

Men in high levels of government seldom surf.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Activities Government Men Occupations People Work

The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Activities Animals

I dreamt I was forced to eat 25lb of marshmallows; when I woke up, my pillow was missing.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Situations Sleep

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Characteristics Driving Situations

I married a German; every night I dress up as Poland and he invades me.

(1945 – ) singer, actress & comedian
Activities Conflict Places Sex

It always takes longer to get there than to get back.

Murphy’s Laws Time Travel

I have to work out like a tri-athlete just to maintain chubby.

comedian
Appearance Body Exercise Fat

I make no secret of the fact that I would rather lie on a sofa than sweep beneath it.

(1932 – ) British novelist & journalist
Activities Housework

There’s such a buildup of crud in my oven, there’s only room to bake a single cupcake.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Activities Housework

Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing from something.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Activities