Subject: Activities » Sleep (Page 3)

I never drink coffee at lunch, I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor
Food/Drink Situations Sleep

Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Activities Sleep

There ain’t no way to find out why a snorer can’t hear himself snore.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Activities Sleep

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house; I never slept alone until after I was married.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Marriage Situations Sleep

A teacher is someone who talks in our sleep!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Education Occupations Sleep

My friend’s snoring is so bad his wife bought one of those anti-snoring devices; I believe it’s called a Taser.

American speaker, humorist & singer-songwriter
Activities Sleep

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.


Situations Sleep

Sometimes I fall asleep at night with my clothes on; I’m going to have all my clothes made out of blankets.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing Situations Sleep

For sincere advice and the correct time, call any number at random at 3:00 a.m.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Activities Sleep Time

Snoring: Sheet music.

Definitions Sleep Wordplay

Sleep is death without the responsibility.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Activities Sleep

Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

Murphy’s Laws Situations Sleep

If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

Eating Food/Drink Proverbs Situations Sleep

I wrote my nightmares out this afternoon so I can get a good night’s sleep tonight.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Activities Sleep

In life your dreams may not come true, but sooner or later one of your nightmares will.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Problems Sleep

Sleeping Bag: A nap sack.

Activities Definitions Sleep

I was having difficulty deciding if I wanted to purchase this bed I was looking at, so the salesman told me… sleep on it.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Situations Sleep

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" and I said, "No, I made a few mistakes."

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Mistakes Situations Sleep

I have no sex appeal; if my husband didn’t toss and turn, we’d never have had the kid.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Sex Situations Sleep

I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Activities Exercise Sleep

I remember when I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills… my doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Health Situations Sleep