Subject: Animals (Page 19)

Cat: A pygmy lion who loathes mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human beings.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Animals Cats Definitions

For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat.

Animals Cats

My Big Book of Pretty Pussies

Animals Book Titles Cats

A child is a person who can’t understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Animals Cats Children Family

If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.

(1919 – 2011) American news commentator & writer
Animals Communication Dogs Speech

I’m disappointed with every movie about sharks that closes with “The End” instead of “Fin.”

Animals Entertainment Film

You know you’re a redneck if you’ve ever had hot flashes at a cattle auction.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals People Rednecks

Moose with calf injures woman near Grand Lake and both are put down by wildlife officials. Agree with the policy?

Animals Headlines

Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Animals

Let sleeping ducks lie.

Animals Dogs Malaprops

Most jobs resemble a sled dog team: no one gets a change of scenery, except the lead dog.

Animals Dogs Murphy’s Laws Situations Work

The man who gets bit twice by the same dog is better adapted for that kind of business than any other.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs

A lot of rich women seeing how small they can get their dogs.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Dogs Places Women

You've never seen a cat have sex… nobody has; the Discovery Channel hasn't caught that.

American comedian & television host
Animals Cats Sex

Otter Devastation

Animals Headlines

I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats

Animals Book Titles Cats

How are you supposed to be able to tell when cat food has gone bad?

(1964 – ) American
Animals Cats

I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb – they diffused it.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Animals

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Animals Death Dogs Marriage

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog; few people are interested and the frog dies as a result.

(1899 – 1985) US author & humorist
Animals Emotions

My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard and earned an online college degree.

Animals Dogs Education