Subject: Animals (Page 7)

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
Animals Children Dogs Family

How are you supposed to be able to tell when cat food has gone bad?

(1964 – ) American
Animals Cats

You've never seen a cat have sex… nobody has; the Discovery Channel hasn't caught that.

American comedian & television host
Animals Cats Sex

Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will piss on your computer.


Animals Cats

The scientific name for an animal that doesn’t either run from or fight its enemies is lunch.

(1947 – ) American philosopher of science
Animals Science/Weather

Free Puppies: part German shepherd, part stupid dog.

Animals Classifieds Dogs

All the good ideas I ever had came to me while I was milking a cow.

(1892 – 1942) American painter
Animals Ideas Intelligence Situations

When walking a dog, be sure then animal is smaller than you.

Animals Dogs Murphy’s Laws

You're a good example of why some animals eat their young.

(1948 – 1990) comedian
Animals Children Insults

I finally know what distinguishes man from the other beasts: financial worries.

(1864 – 1910) French author
Animals Money People

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Dogs Relationships

It’s only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.

(1964 – ) English comedian, author & television presenter
Animals Situations

There are three types of intelligence: the intelligence of man, the intelligence of animals and the intelligence of the military… in that order.

(1911 – 1994) German film director & producer
Animals Intelligence Military

My dog was my soul mate; we both took naps, we both skipped lunch, we both hated the vacuum.

(1952 – ) comedian
Animals Dogs

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog; few people are interested and the frog dies as a result.

(1899 – 1985) US author & humorist
Animals Emotions

The more one gets to know of men, the more one values dogs.

(1803 – 1885) French writer & journalist
Animals Dogs People

You might be a redneck if… you think "fast food" is hitting a possum at 65 miles an hour.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals People Rednecks

Large, naked raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who lie in hutches eagerly awaiting Easter.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Animals Food/Drink

I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Food/Drink

There are 350 varieties of shark, not counting loan and pool.

(1927 – 2007) American newspaper columnist
Animals

Man should stop fighting among themselves and start fighting insects.

(1849 – 1926) American botanist & horticulturist
Animals Conflict War