Subject: Appearance » Clothing (Page 4)

Underwear: An article of clothing which, when kept clean, ensures the wearer will never have an accident.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Children Clothing Family Health

The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.

Clothing Government Military Murphy’s Laws

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it; I said, ‘Thyroid problems?’

(1956 – ) American comedian
Appearance Body Clothing

I think the reason guys like women in leather outfits so much is because they have that ‘new car’ smell.

Appearance Clothing People Women

A bag of tattooed bones in a sequined slingshot.

Richard Blackwell (1922 – 2008) fashion critic, journalist, & designer
Appearance Body Clothing Insults

I base most of my fashion sense on whether or not it itches.

(1946 – 1989) comedian & actress
Appearance Clothing

I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was, I said, 'Actual' … I'm not to scale.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Appearance Clothing Situations

… an old man who dresses like a Hooter’s waitress.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Clothing Hair Insults

An income tax form is like a laundry list – either way you lose your shirt.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Clothing Government Taxes

No matter how many alterations, cheap pants never fit.

Appearance Clothing Murphy’s Laws

She was a large woman who seemed not so much dressed as upholstered.

(1860 – 1937) Scottish author, dramatist (creator of Peter Pan)
Appearance Body Clothing Insults

Very few blacks will take up golf until the requirement for plaid pants is dropped.

(1949 – ) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing Golf Sports

Kilt: A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and Americans in Scotland.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
America Clothing Definitions Places

My wife has just two complaints: first, she’s got absolutely nothing to wear and second, she’s run out of closet space to keep it in.

Appearance Clothing Wives

This shirt is “dry-clean only”… which means it’s dirty.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs Clothing Things

There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.

(1900 – 1967) American film actor
Clothing Money Poverty

You know you're getting fat when you go to unbutton the top of your pants – and you already did it.

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, director & author
Appearance Body Clothing Fat

As soon as the hospital made me put on one of those little gowns, I knew the end was in sight.


Appearance Body Clothing

My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Appearance Characteristics Clothing