Subject: Appearance (Page 15)

It's hard to feel fit as a fiddle when you're shaped like a cello.

American basketball coach & executive
Appearance Body People Self

Underwear: An article of clothing which, when kept clean, ensures the wearer will never have an accident.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Diaphragm: A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels.

Body Definitions Health

1. Beauty is only skin deep, but it’s a superficial world. 2. Beauty’s in the eye of the beholder, yet pin-ups find plenty of room.

Appearance

I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to Ripley’s Believe It or Not: they sent it back and said, “We don’t believe it.”

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body Ugly

I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Books Hair

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Body Mothers Science/Weather

My wife has just two complaints: first, she’s got absolutely nothing to wear and second, she’s run out of closet space to keep it in.

Appearance Clothing Wives

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.

Muppet character (Frank Oz)
Appearance TV/Movie Quotes

My wife went to a beauty parlor and got a mudpack; for two days she looked nice, then the mud fell off.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Appearance Body Marriage Wives

Oh my God, look at you; anyone else hurt in the accident?

(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Insults

I had a girlfriend that was so fat she had her own postal code.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Fat Girlfriends People Women

Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Alcohol Appearance Beer Body Men

Abdomen: A bowl-shaped cavity containing the organs of indigestion.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Appearance Body Eating

Outside every fat man there is an even fatter man trying to close in.

(1922 – 1995) English novelist & poet
Appearance Body Fat

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer
Appearance Clothing Education People

My breast are so versatile now — I can wear them down, up, or side by side.

(1950 – ) American actress, singer & model
Appearance Body

Whatever the occasion, [the Queen] has a face which demonstrably says ‘I don’t give a royal s**t.

(1977 – ) British political comedian & television host
Appearance

In the 1950's only seven percent of American women dyed their hair; today there are parts of Manhattan and Los Angeles where there are no gray-haired women at all.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
Appearance Hair People Women

Lady Astor to Churchill: ‘Sir you’re drunk!’

Churchill’s reply: Yes, madam, I am drunk, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Appearance Beliefs Opinion

I'm not against half-naked girls – not as often as I'd like to be.

(1924 – 1992) English comedian & actor
Appearance Body Clothing Situations