Subject: Appearance (Page 15)

This shirt is “dry-clean only”… which means it’s dirty.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing

I knew I was going bald when it was taking longer and longer to wash my face.

(1964 – ) English comedian, author & television presenter
Appearance Body Hair

All God’s children are not beautiful; most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Appearance People

If you have a funny costume, you can’t really wear it when you get older.

(1959 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & television host
Age Appearance Clothing

Obesity: A surplus gone to waist.

Appearance Body Definitions Fat Wordplay

Now, it’s true I married my wife for her looks… but not the ones she's been givin’ me lately.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Body Marriage Wives

Falsies: Making mountains out of molehills.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

When I don't look like the tragic muse, I look like the smoky relic of the great Boston Fire.

(1832 – 1888) novelist
Appearance People Self

The tautness of his face sours ripe grapes.

(1564 – 1616) English dramatist & poet
Appearance Insults

Bald: When one has less hair to comb but more face to wash.

Appearance Definitions

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body

In the 1950's only seven percent of American women dyed their hair; today there are parts of Manhattan and Los Angeles where there are no gray-haired women at all.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
Appearance Hair People Women

Is my wife dissatisfied with my body?… a small part of me says yes.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Appearance Clothing Ugly

The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.

Clothing Government Military Murphy’s Laws

Tube Dress: A dress which is an extended boob tube.

Clothing Definitions

You don't get a body like this overnight… it takes years of neglect.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body

Does this sign make my butt look fat?

Appearance Body Fat

The last time I saw a mouth like that it had a hook in it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Ugly

I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Fat Government Politics

Fat is lost last where it is wanted the least. Corollary 1: Fat is lost first from areas of high desirability.
Corollary 2: With time fat flows from areas of high to low desirability. – Hal Belknap, M.D.

Appearance Body Fat Murphy’s Laws