Subject: Appearance (Page 17)

Never try to guess your wife's size. Just buy her anything marked ‘petite’ and hold on to the receipt.

Appearance Body Clothing Murphy’s Laws Shopping

She was known as a two bagger; that’s when a girl is so ugly that you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Ugly

The best accessory a girl can have is her best friend.

(1981 – ) heiress, socialite, media personality & model
Appearance Friends Travel

You would think with all the money she saves on food she could buy a dress.

(1967 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body People

That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Age Appearance Body Old

Bagpipes covered in hair.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body

May I say Penny, not a lot of women could look as hot as you do with such greasy hair.

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician
Appearance TV/Movie Quotes

The trouble with jogging is that, by the time you realize you’re not in shape for it, it’s too far to walk back.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Activities Body

I’ve throwed away chicken bones with more meat on it than he’s got.

(1902 – 1973) American actress
Appearance Body

She is so fat… when she takes a shower her feet don't get wet.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

If you have a pear shaped body, you should not wear pear colored clothes, or act juicy.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Appearance Body

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Age Body Old

Fat is lost last where it is wanted the least. Corollary 1: Fat is lost first from areas of high desirability.
Corollary 2: With time fat flows from areas of high to low desirability.

Appearance Body Fat Murphy’s Laws

She's so fat… when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.

Clothing Murphy’s Laws Ugly

I’d wring your neck… if you had one.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Appearance Body Insults

Frasier: Niles, I would shave my head for you.
Niles: A gesture which becomes less significant with each passing year.

(1959 – ) American actor
Appearance Hair TV/Movie Quotes

An optimist is a girl who mistakes a bulge for a curve.

(1885 – 1933) columnist & writer
Appearance Body Fat

I bought a new pair of pajamas with pockets, which is great, cause now i don’t have to hold things when I sleep.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Clothing Situations Sleep Things

He looks like the hindquarters of bad luck.

Appearance Expressions

Common looking people are the best in the world: that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.

(1809 – 1865) 16th U.S. president
Appearance People