Subject: Appearance (Page 17)

It is the vanity of women to spend hours in front of a mirror; it is the vanity of men not to bother.

(1967 – ) English comedian
Appearance

Have you ever taken something out of the clothes hamper because it had become, relatively, the cleanest thing?

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
Appearance Clothing Housework

You can never be too skinny or too rich.

(1915 – 1978) socialite
Appearance Body Wealth

His face looks like a closed fist.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Appearance Baseball Sports

Clothes by a man who doesn’t know women, never had one, and dreams of being one!

(1883 – 1971) French fashion designer & founder of the Chanel brand
Appearance

My girlfriend has lovely colored eyes; I particularly like the blue one.

Appearance Body

My breast are so versatile now — I can wear them down, up, or side by side.

(1950 – ) American actress, singer & model
Appearance Body

I’d wring your neck… if you had one.

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Appearance Body Insults

Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Clothing People Women

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Characteristics Clothing Communication Lies Truth World

For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body People Self

Very few blacks will take up golf until the requirement for plaid pants is dropped.

(1949 – ) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing Golf Sports

I'm so physically deficient that the act of sleep injures me.

(1978 – ) American comic writer
Appearance Body

Joe Frazier is so ugly he should donate his face to the US Bureau of Wildlife.

(1942 – ) American boxing champion
Appearance Insults

When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Places

His favorite exercise is climbing tall people.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Body Insults

A bleeding heart can be hell on the carpeting.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Body Characteristics Situations Things

I look like a mix between a Jew and a guy who would drive by in a truck and yell "Jew.”

American comedian
Appearance People Self

Why doesn’t the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?


Appearance Body Fat Sports

Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn’t had plastic surgery; come on… she’s had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance

The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Clothing Husbands Marriage