Subject: Appearance (Page 22)

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs; I think of them as stray eyebrows.

Appearance

He looks like the hindquarters of bad luck.

Appearance Expressions

Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Appearance Body Intelligence Men People Stupidity

He doesn't die his hair, he bleaches his face.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Appearance Insults

She had curves in places other women don’t even have places.

(1950 – ) American actress, singer & model
Appearance Body

I sight down my nose to shoot, and now my nose isn't straight since I broke it. That's why my shooting has been off.

American basketball player
Appearance Basketball Body Sports

Does this sign make my butt look fat?

Appearance Body Fat

I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Ugly

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body Definitions

People ask me how much I weigh. I tell them, 145 pounds, naked; that is, if that scale outside the drugstore is anything to go by.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Appearance Self

After I told my wife that black underwear turned me on, she didn't wash [mine] for a month.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor
Appearance Clothing

Claire: Your hair looks good, the curls work. Why don’t you get a perm?
Rose Morgan: I tried that once, I looked like Shirley Temple on crack.

(1942 – ) American singer-songwriter, actress, writer, film producer & director
Appearance Hair TV/Movie Quotes

The trouble with nude dancing is that not everything stops when the music stops.

(1909 – 1986) Australian dancer, actor, theater director & choreographer
Body Dance Entertainment

Face Lifting By Exercise

Appearance Book Titles

I’ve never read an article of clothing.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Appearance Clothing Reading/Writing

Men still die with their boots on, but usually one boot is on the accelerator.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Accidents Autos Clothing Death Problems

I have to work out like a tri-athlete just to maintain chubby.

comedian
Appearance Body Exercise Fat

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: ‘This looks much better on.’… On what?… On fire?

(1954 – ) American actress & comedian
Activities Clothing Shopping Situations Women

Clothes make the man; naked people have little or no influence on society.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Appearance Clothing

I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't; so I grew hair under my arms instead.

stand-up comedian
Appearance Body Communication Hair Speech

This shirt is “dry-clean only”… which means it’s dirty.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing