Subject: Appearance (Page 38)

Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Appearance Clothing Intelligence Wisdom

Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out; but I can usually shut her up with cookies.

singer & musician
Appearance Body Fat Food/Drink

We all get heavier as we get older because there’s a lot more information in our heads.

professional basketball player
Age Body Intelligence Misspokements Sports

Buster Douglas went to bed as a 231-pound world champion and woke up as a 270-pound parade float.

American sports columnist
Appearance Body Boxing Fat Sports

Liposuction: A surgical procedure from which the patient emerges significantly lighter in both pounds and dollars.

Appearance Body Definitions Health

Alfred Hitchcock: One look at you and I know there's famine in the land.

Shaw’s reply: One look at you, Mr. Hitchcock, and I know who caused it.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Appearance Body Fat Insults

He is so fat… his high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

One out of every three Americans… weighs as much as the other two.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Fat

I know [my head] is big because every time I'm in a picture, it always looks like I'm really close to the camera.

Canadian comedian
Appearance Body Self

Whoa. Where you going in those pants? 1982?

(1964 – ) American actress, producer & director
Appearance Clothing TV/Movie Quotes

You may admire a girl's curves on the first introduction, but the second meeting shows up new angles.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Appearance Body Girls Women

I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Fat Government Politics

If you told her to haul butt, she would have to make two trips.

Appearance Body Expressions Fat

Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie;’ he said ‘God beat me to it.’

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Appearance Body Food/Drink

Clothes make the man; naked people have little or no influence on society.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Appearance Clothing

Niles and I have decided to donate all your things to charity. We’re donating your clothes to the blind.

(1955 – ) American actor, comedian, producer, director & singer
Clothing TV/Movie Quotes

Brassiere: A bust stop.

Clothing Definitions

You know your girlfriend is getting fat when she can fit into your wife's clothes.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body Fat Marriage

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the Fruit-of-The-Loom guys laughing at me.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Clothing

Beyond the hair, tattoos and earrings, he's just like you and me.

(1948 – ) basketball coach
Appearance Insults

How would you like to feel the way she looks?

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Appearance Insults