Subject: Beliefs (Page 16)

God writes a lot of comedy… the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

(1942 – ) humorist & radio broadcaster
Emotions Entertainment God

Any theory can be made to fit any facts by means of appropriate additional assumptions.

Facts Intelligence Murphy’s Laws

I like Jesus, but he loves me, so it's awkward.

Canadian comedian
Beliefs Religion

An alibi is a reason with a bad reputation.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Characteristics Honesty

If God wanted me to bend over, he’d have put diamonds on the floor.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Activities God

Good God, how much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth-decay in His divine system of creation?

(1923 – 1999) American satirical novelist, short story writer & playwright
Beliefs God Health

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Beliefs Mistakes Murphy’s Laws Proverbs

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs

I'm a great lover… I bet.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Beliefs Opinion Sex

The only statistics you can trust are those you falsified yourself.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Beliefs Honesty Lies Truth

I am determined that my children shall be brought up in their father’s religion, if they can find out what it is.

(1775 – 1834) English critic & essayist
Beliefs Children Family Fathers Religion

I know I’m God because when I pray to him I find I’m talking to myself.

(1931 – 2004) English playwright & screenwriter
Beliefs God People Self

He doesn’t have much of a reputation or so I’ve heard.

Beliefs Opinion

The mightiest of weapons is truth…. and everyone knows you're not permitted to bring a weapon into a government building.


Beliefs Honesty Truth

God don't make no mistakes… that's how He got to be God.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Beliefs God Mistakes

It’s hard to believe that if there is a God, he would want people to stand in the street and shout like maniacs. I think He would choose better qualified people.

(1980 – ) English comedian & novelist
Beliefs God People

I am not one of those who in expressing opinions confine themselves to facts.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Characteristics Honesty Opinion Truth

If you don't stick to your values when they're being tested, they're not values: they're hobbies.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Beliefs

Defame: To lie about another. To tell the truth about another.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Lies Truth

As you grow older, you stand for more and fall for less.

Accidents Age Beliefs Old

A woman will lie about anything, just to stay in practice.

(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter
Characteristics Honesty Lies People Women