Subject: Beliefs (Page 16)

Beware of the half truth… you may have gotten hold of the wrong half.

Beliefs Honesty Truth

Some of ours [umpires] is so crooked that they can lay in a berth only when the train’s making a curve.

(1885 – 1933) columnist & writer
Baseball Beliefs Sports

Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist
Characteristics Honesty Lies Truth

The world is a place that’s gone from being flat to round to crooked.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Crime Honesty Places World

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs Clothing Things

I’m opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Money Opinion Wealth

It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.

Beliefs People Religion Sex

There are two kinds of truth: there are real truths, and there are made up truths.

(1936 – ) American politician, Mayor of Washington, D.C.
Characteristics Honesty Lies Truth

Secrets with girls, like loaded guns with boys,

Are never valued till they make a noise.

(1754 – 1832) English poet, surgeon & clergyman
Beliefs Facts

That which we call sin in others is experimentation for us.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher
Beliefs Characteristics

Reparation: Satisfaction that is made for a wrong and deducted from the satisfaction felt in committing it.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Money

The pug is living proof that God has a sense of humor.

(1954 – 2000) humorist, writer & radio commentator
Animals Beliefs Dogs God

Truthful: Dumb and illiterate.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions Honesty

If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods.

Beliefs Facts Intelligence Murphy’s Laws

I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly.

(1937 – 1995) English satirist, writer & comedian
Beliefs

If you are going to tell people the truth, be funny or they will kill you.

(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer
Communication Honesty Killing Truth

If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Beliefs Elections/Voting God Government

When I was a little boy, they called me a liar, but now that I am grown up, they call me a writer.

(1902 – 1991) Polish Jewish American author
Communication Lies Occupations Reading/Writing Work

Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Honesty Truth

I believe in the right to arm bears.

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign
Beliefs Opinion Wordplay

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God