Subject: Beliefs (Page 37)

As you grow older, you stand for more and fall for less.

Let my people go!

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

There is one sure way of telling when politicians aren't telling the truth — their lips move.

(1946 – ) English actress

Don’t be discouraged if your children reject your advice; years later they will offer it to their offspring.

An atheist is one who hopes the Lord will do nothing to disturb his disbelief.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist

Facts without theory are trivia. Theory without facts is bullshit.

A conservative is a man who sits and thinks… mostly sits.

(1856 – 1924) 28th U.S. president & politician

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.

(1884 – 1972) 33rd U.S. president

Religion – it’s given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian

Anyone who says the truth shall set you free has never been to traffic court.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

Actions lie louder than words.

(1966 – ) American magazine editor

He would not blow his nose without moralizing on conditions in the handkerchief industry.

(1903 – 1974) English intellectual, literary critic & writer

Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.

(1958 – ) American writer, comedian, satirist & actor

He made us all one true religion, Edith, which he named after his son, Christian – or Christ, for short.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

Our loss is their loss.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor

The only thing God didn't do to Job was give him a computer.

(1907 – 1989) American writer

You’ll always find some Eskimo ready to instruct the Congolese on how to cope with heat waves.

(1909 – 1966) Polish poet, writer & aphorist

If you’re caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron; not even God can hit a 1-iron.

(1942 – ) American professional golfer

A conservative is someone who believes in reform… but not now.

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor

Cocaine is God's way of saying that you're making too much money.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor