Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Subject:
Beliefs
(Page 37)
If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.
Maier's Law
Facts
Murphy’s Laws
Science/Weather
I do benefits for all religions – I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
Bob Hope
(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs
Life
Religion
Whenever you accept our views we shall be in full agreement with you.
Moshe Dayan
(1915 – 1981) Israeli military leader & politician
Beliefs
Opinion
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.
Ashleigh Brilliant
(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Characteristics
Honesty
Corruption
Truth varies.
Rule of Political Promises
Characteristics
Government
Honesty
Murphy’s Laws
Politics
Truth
I pledge allegiance to the Christian flag, and to the Savior, for whose Kingdom it stands, one Savior, crucified, risen, and coming again, with life and liberty for all who believe.
Dan Quayle
(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Beliefs
Misspokements
Religion
Christianity
Book Of
Ecclesiasticles
Archie Bunker
television character,
All In the Family
(Carroll O’Connor)
Beliefs
Malaprops
Bible
Ecclesiastes
It only rains straight down… God doesn't do windows.
Rod Schmidt
God
Rain
Windows
One could drive a schooner through any part of his argument and never scrape against a fact.
David Houston
(1866 – 1940) academic, businessman & politician
Characteristics
Facts
Insults
Truth
On William Jennings Bryan
My way of joking is to tell the truth.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Beliefs
Honesty
Truth
I wanted to do a show about feminism… but my husband wouldn’t let me.
Ria Lina
Beliefs
Feminism
She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake.
Margot Asquith
(1864 –1945) Anglo-Scottish socialite, author & wit
Characteristics
Honesty
Insults
Lies
People
Of Lady Desborough
Telling lies does not work in advertising.
Stanisław Lec
(1909 – 1966) Polish poet, writer & aphorist
Characteristics
Honesty
Lies
Advertising
One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
Mark Twain
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Facts
Situations
Conjecture
Returns
When everyone is against you, it means that you are absolutely wrong – or absolutely right.
Albert Guinon
(1863 – 1923) French playwright
Beliefs
Conflict
Opinion
People
I took a test in Existentialism; I left all the answers blank and got 100.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs
Existentialism
Philosophy
A liberal is a conservative who has been arrested.
Tom Wolfe
(1931 – ) American author & journalist
Beliefs
Conflict
Law
People
Conservatives
Liberals
There's one way to find out if a man is honest – ask him… if he says, “Yes,” you know he is a crook.
Groucho Marx
(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Characteristics
Honesty
People
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
Winston Churchill
(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Characteristics
Clothing
Communication
Lies
Truth
World
Pants
How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs
Characteristics
Clothing
Finite World
Meaning
Size
A woman will lie about anything, just to stay in practice.
Raymond Chandler
(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter
Characteristics
Honesty
Lies
People
Women
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