Subject: Characteristics (Page 13)

Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.

Animals Characteristics Proverbs

 The difference between the old ballplayer and the new ballplayer is the jersey; the old ballplayer cared about the name on the front… the new ballplayer cares about the name on the back.

professional baseball player
Baseball Characteristics Sports

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist
Characteristics Honesty Lies

Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald.”

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Appearance Characteristics Men People Wealth

These days, the only time politicians tell the truth is when they call each other a liar.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Characteristics Honesty Lies Politicians Truth

I’d rather have an inch of a dog than miles of pedigree.

Animals Characteristics People

Whenever A annoys or injures B on the pretense of saving or improving X, A is a scoundrel.

Characteristics Conflict Murphy’s Laws

How long is it polite to pretend to continue to listen to someone after they’ve revealed they’ve got a boyfriend?

(1975 – ) English comedian, actor & writer
Characteristics Communication

A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Characteristics

The older you get, the better you realize you were.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Age Characteristics Old

There are no good girls gone wrong, just bad girls found out.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Characteristics Girls People Women

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you.

(1930 – ) actor, writer, film & television director
Characteristics Health

He turned out to be so many different characters he could have populated all of War and Peace and still had a few people left over.

(1920 – ) author, editor, journalist, playwright & television producer
Characteristics

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing… if you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Characteristics Honesty Life Truth

May you be cursed with chronic anxiety about the weather.

(1837 – 1921) naturalist & essayist
Characteristics Science/Weather

Be good and you will be lonely.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics People Self

The fury engendered by the misspelling of a name in a (newspaper) column is in direct ratio to the obscurity of the mentionee.

Anger Characteristics Language Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

Conscience gets a lot of credit that belongs to cold feet.

Characteristics

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Characteristics Government Money Politics

More than 150 heads of state attended the UN Summit, giving New Yorkers a chance to get in touch with prejudices they didn't even know they had.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Characteristics People

If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s intolerance.

Characteristics