Subject: Communication (Page 29)

The only reason we're not in Iran now is because we're going alphabetically and George Bush can't spell.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Communication Conflict War

There's nothing wrong with you that a vasectomy of the vocal cords wouldn't fix.

(1944 – ) American author & novelist
Communication Insults Speech

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Animals Language

Yankees' owner George Steinbrenner is a first-and-ten capitalist in a bunt-and-run world.

American sportswriter
Baseball Communication Sports

Women speak two languages – one of which is verbal.

(1564 – 1616) English dramatist & poet
Communication Language People Women

A drawing is always dragged down to the level of its caption.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Communication Reading/Writing

I thought lacrosse was what you find in la church.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Communication Language Sports

Physician: One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Health Language

I believe in talking behind peoples’ backs; that way, they hear it more than once.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Communication Speech

Bill wrote a book at Yale; I read one.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Books Communication Reading/Writing

Listen or your tongue will keep you deaf.

Communication Proverbs

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Communication Dating Relationships Wordplay

Trying to squash a rumor is like trying to unring a bell.

(1925 – 2005) American journalist
Communication

Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

comedian
Communication Food/Drink Language

Generally I think influence is used as a nice word for plagiarism.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Communication

An apology for the devil: it must be remembered that we have heard only one side of the case; God has written all the books.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist
Beliefs Books God

Defame: To lie about another. To tell the truth about another.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Lies Truth

I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences.

comedian
Communication Marriage Speech

Whenever one word or letter can change the entire meaning of a sentence, the probability of an error being made will be in direct proportion to the embarrassment it will cause.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Speech

When he was vice president and Reagan would be talking, it was so funny 'cause you could catch Bush sitting behind Reagan, looking at him like your dog looks at your answering machine when your voice is coming out.

(1955 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & impressionist
Communication Government Speech