Subject: Communication (Page 60)

Learn to say ‘I don’t know.’ If used when appropriate, it will be often.

(1932 – ) American businessman & U.S. Secretary of Defense
Communication

Perhaps we could have a translation, I could not quite follow.

(1894 – 1986) British prime minister
Communication Government

A stupid man’s report of what a clever man says is never accurate because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Communication Intelligence

Cookbooks bear the same relation to real books that microwave food bears to your grandmother’s.

(1946 – ) Romanian-born American poet, novelist, essayist & commentator
Books Communication Food/Drink

Urinal: The one place where all men are peers.

Definitions Wordplay

Umpire: The original strike arbitrator.

Definitions Wordplay

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Emotions Language Love

When you can’t discover the cause of a breakdown, all of the free advice you get will be for things you’ve already checked.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Speech

There are two professions that one can be hired with little experience: one is prostitution, the other is sportscasting, and too frequently, they become the same.

(1918 – 1995) American sports journalist & television commentator
Communication

Gray hair is God's graffiti.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Appearance Communication God Reading/Writing

If you don't disagree with me, how will I know I'm right?

(1879 – 1974) film producer
Communication

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Beliefs Communication

Most of the time he sounds like he has a mouth full of wet toilet paper.

(1938 – ) film critic & former television co-host
Reviews/Criticism Speech

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Communication Language Speech

I worship the quicksand he walks in.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Beliefs Insults Language Opinion

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Communication Language

Parenthood: Feeding the mouth that bites you.

Definitions Family Parents Wordplay

Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia.


Communication Reading/Writing

If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Communication Exaggerations Language

My one claim to originality among Irishmen is that I never made a speech.

(1852 – 1933) Irish writer, poet, art critic & dramatist
Communication Places Speech

Is ‘tired old cliche’ one?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Wordplay