Subject: Communication (Page 82)

Things are more like they are now than they have ever been.

(1913 – 2006) 36th U.S. president
Communication Misspokements Speech Time

Men can say things in stores women can't believe like, "but I already have a pair of black pants.”

(1952 – ) comedian
Men People Shopping Speech Women

Beauty is only sin deep.

(1870 – 1916) British writer
Appearance Wordplay

If I repeatedly stab my cornflakes does that make me a cereal killer?

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Wordplay

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Animals Communication Language

Actress: I enjoyed your book. Who wrote it for you?

Chase: I'm so glad you liked it. Who read it to you?

(1900 – 1978) American actress & novelist
Books Communication Insults Reading/Writing

Pushing fifty is exercise enough


Activities Age Exercise Wordplay

It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Communication

An apology for the devil: it must be remembered that we have heard only one side of the case; God has written all the books.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist
Beliefs Books God

I hate Twitter… it’s like a state surveillance agency staffed by gullible volunteers.

(1968 – ) English comedian, writer, director & musician
Communication

There are two great rules of life: 1. Never tell everything at once.

(1931 – ) American golfer & broadcaster
Communication Life Misspokements Speech

A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.

Language Murphy’s Laws

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.

(1900 – 1986) American teacher & translator
Books Reviews/Criticism

Reading is an escape, an education, a delving into the brain of another human being on such an intimate level that every nuance of thought, every snapping of synapse, every slippery desire of the author is laid open before you… like, well… a book.

American playwright, television writer & author
Books Communication Reading/Writing

Having imagination it takes you an hour to write a paragraph that if you were unimaginative would take you only a minute.

(1881 – 1960) American columnist
Communication Intelligence Reading/Writing Time

Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
Corollary: Corresponding errors will show up in the duplicate while the boss is reading it.

Communication Mistakes Murphy’s Laws Problems

I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today… unfortunately, it’s only for victims.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Communication Wordplay

German in the most extravagantly ugly language – it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747.

(1937 – 1996) English cartoonist, satirist, comedian & actor
Communication Insults Language

If my books had been any worse, I should not have been invited to Hollywood, and if they had been any better, I should not have come.

(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter
Books Communication Self

Learn to say ‘I don’t know.’ If used when appropriate, it will be often.

(1932 – ) American businessman & U.S. Secretary of Defense
Communication

This sign says “IMPROV,” but I had a bad set on Friday night, so yesterday they put an “E” on the end of it.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Communication Language